Sunshine and Momma

2011 By The Numbers

2011-12-31T15:59:00.000-05:00

Miles Run: 513.7
Hours spent running, biking, swimming, Tae Kwon Do or working out in general: 247:05:28
Races Run: 20
Tae Kwon Do Tournament Competed in: 8

Looking forward to 2012's numbers.

A Letter to Me At 40

2011-12-11T09:25:00.001-05:00

Dear Me-

First, I'll be honest and say that I started this letter to you about 2 months before the big day. This letter is much harder to write than the letter I wrote to Sunshine.

The most important thing for you to know is that you are so much happier and better than you have ever been. I talk to people who are our age and they all say that as we age we stop sweating the small stuff. I know I definitely see you having much less time for the people and things in your life that annoy you or drain you. And that's a good thing.

You aren't always good at it, but I see you taking and making more time for yourself. And that's pretty amazing for someone who has spent the majority of her life taking care of everyone but herself.

You know you'll always be a champion over thinker, but what you over think about is changing, you don't rethink whole conversations and wonder what the people think of you after that, you have reached the point where you, more times than not, simply say-- this is me, take me or leave me, and you realize you really only need the people who take you, and the rest can just go on their merry way.

Your competitive nature has come out in spades this year, you have competed in several karate tournaments. And run several races. Taken over 2 minutes off your average per mile time, and have about 20 miles left to run this year to reach 500 running miles. And somewhere in all that training, you got it into your brain that you wanted to run a sub 10 minute mile. As I write this- you are close- so very very close.. 10:06 minute miles over 3.6 miles- and that first mile on that run, was sub 10... but being as competitive as you are- you want all 3.6 to be sub-10. You'll get there- you are so close and you've got good people on your side encouraging and helping along the way, even if it means you throw up during the process.

You also, have worked incredibly hard, accidentally, at loosing weight and overall getting in shape. You now weigh less than you did in high school and you look freakin' amazing. The other day you were folding clothes and for the first time you held up a pair of Sunshine's pants and thought for one second- wait are those mine or hers.

You've been dreading this day for the last month or two, something crazy about being 40 and 40 being so old.. I think you are wrong, 40 seems like a big number but it isn't. I'm pretty sure that 40 is a gateway, a right of passage to so much more and exciting things in life. And you are so wonderfully prepared for that.. you are very ready for this next chapter of your life.. so grab it by the tail and enjoy the ride!

What A Difference 5 Years Makes

2011-12-04T11:41:00.002-05:00

2007- First 5k- 38:48

2011- 5k 32:05

Ten

2011-09-18T10:31:00.006-04:00

Dear Sunshine-

Every year I am more and more surprised by how old you are. It is cliche' but it really and truly seems like only a week ago that I brought you home in your little John Lennon outfit, and as exhausted and sore as I was, I just sat and stared at you in your little bassinet.

In the last 12 months you have grown in ways that are awesome to watch. One big one is that you grew 2 inches in about 6 weeks, you were very excited about that. Now when I look at you, you appear to be made up of about 75% legs.

You started to play basketball. And in my humble opinion have a nature talent for it, you are smart and can see the other players on the court and know where to go, or where to pass. At first you were very scared about getting hit by the basketball, (who wouldn't be?) after all it hurts, but as the season progressed you became more assured and more aggressive.

That last sentence definitely fits you to a T, you like to test the waters before you dive in head first, and then once you realize you like it you dive in with full gusto.

You continue with Tae Kwon Do, you just got your second red stripe on your purple belt. You even competed in some tournaments this year in Kata, and this last tournament in weapons. You are enjoying learning Bo Staff and look rather menacing with it when you are practicing! And love to show me how to spin it!

Just last week you got your flute. You have talked non-stop about getting your flute since March or so. You are so excited about learning to play it, and I am excited for you.

You have started to ride your bike when I run, and your excitement when we go faster than the last time is infectious. Your supporting me helps me to say- get off your duff and go run and take Sunshine with you.

You played Tinkerbell in a theater production last Spring and you were a hit. Little kids would come up to you after the show and ask for your autograph. It was great fun to watch your character progress over the rehearsals and through the run of the show, you my dear, developed quite a little attitude toward Wendy when she and Peter were together!

You are this amazing combination of girly girl and tom boy. You love to wear sparkles and high heels and put a little makeup on, but you run around with the boys, and go on ziplines, and trampolines and play flag football with them, and even spar against them in Tae Kwon Do.

Your heart continues to make my heart sing. Your patience for people who are different or need a little extra love is something I can't put into words. Somehow you just know that this person could use a friend or just needs someone to be there with them. And it comes naturally to you, you do it, I suspect, without even thinking about it.

I'm not gonna lie, life isn't always beer and daisies. You and I are both strong and independent and similar in many ways, so there can be some rough days when the two of us are at each other's throats. But they pass and we curl up on the couch and watch some TV or play some Wii together and the world is right again.

We did some fun things together this year, we went to your first ever concert- Taylor Swift at Gillette Stadium. Your birthday party was at Monkey C Monkey Do where we went climbing on ropes and ziplines. We went to North Carolina for a Spring vacation and did lots of hiking in parks here in Maine.

You are starting to know yourself a little better. You get nervous before somethings especially when you are going to be judged. You said to me the other day, I want to cut back on that a bit because I get really nervous and can't think during school the day before. Pretty smart little 10 year old.

My wishes for you over this next year, are that you continue to know yourself and continue to build even more self confidence and know how truly amazing and awesome you are, that you learn this at your age, instead of at my age. That you become just a bit more self motivating. That you continue to find things you love to do, you try new foods and activities and fill your life with things that make you happy!

These last 10 years have been pretty amazing, I can only imagine what the next 10 will hold for us! Thanks for being born Sunshine!

13 Months

2011-07-28T22:07:00.003-04:00

I'm pretty sure the screaming matches about brushing and flossing and no gum were all worth it..

What do you think?

Death, Anger and the End of the World

2011-05-02T18:04:00.002-04:00

Sunshine asked me about the end of the World the other day. She was pretty upset about what that meant. With all the 2012 talk and the Terminator Date and the billboards about the end of the world, I understand where she is coming from.

Heck, I've got a few more years on me than she does and I wonder about such things. I am at least at the point in my life where I am wise enough to realize that no matter how controlling I am.. controlling the end of the World is out of the range of controllable things for me.

I sat and talked with a friend who is very spiritual, and when I asked her what she thought about the end of the world, she turned the question on me. And I paused, and I said.

What I know is that people are angry. The anger is palpable most every place I go. People are angry at the government or their neighbor or that guy in front of them at the grocery store. And to me it seems like that much anger has to lead to something. End of the world? I don't know.. big change, probably.

I remember a time when the only emotion I was really good at feeling was anger. Every emotion translated into anger- fear, sadness, madness, even the positive emotions like love, happiness and contentment. Anger is easy, really in the grand scheme of things anger can be very powerful, you can hide behind it, put your head down and avoid contact, avoid rejection, avoid love.

I look around me, close to me, and I see these amazing, young souls passing on, so quickly with little or no warning. I wonder, do they know something I don't? Are they getting out while the getting is still good? Or is it just one of those times when there happens to be a lot of death around me?

What ever the reason, I don't care for it, I don't care for the death, the sadness, the unanswered questions, the anger that boils just below the surface.

What I do care for, and what I am trying to embrace, and hoping will spread just as quickly as the anger has, is the love I am being reminded to share, the closeness it is encouraging me to forge with people in my life, the new adventures I am taking because I am being reminded so often how precious life really is...

So spread the love, let the anger go, I mean really, if the world is going to end, wouldn't you rather be dancing naked through the streets than angrily fighting?

Purple!

2011-03-13T18:56:00.004-04:00

Recently Sunshine earned her purple belt. I was of course a nervous wreck during the test, pretty sure I didn't breathe for about 30 minutes!

Sunshine ebbs and flows with her desire to continue with Tae Kwon Do, luckily she usually ebbs in the middle of a session, and my rule is she has to complete anything she is signed up for, but doesn't have to sign up again after that session if she doesn't want to. So by belt test she is usually ready to sign up for the next session, and earning her purple belt was a huge milestone.

I am so proud of her. And if you haven't heard, about a year ago, I started taking Tae Kwon Do too.. I am now a green belt with two blue stripes.. it has been A LOT of fun to do this together and look forward to the day we are both black belts!

Basketball

2011-03-12T07:50:00.004-05:00

Inspired by my friend over at ikehamill.com, I thought I would try to be more consistent about writing here.

I'm not really sure how it happened, isn't that always how the stories start? Like that whole proctologist bit from Seinfeld- it was a one and a million chance doc..

It was a one and a million chance... I ended up coaching basketball.

See the thing with Sunshine is that she does really well in smaller group situations. I remember when we took her to her first soccer practice when she was in kindergarten.. you'd have thought we hung her by her finger nails over a pit of crocodiles. Just too many kids running around.

Last summer at camp she started to play basketball and really liked it, other than gymnastics when she was younger and Tae Kwon Do now, this was the first sport she had ever show more than a passing interest in, so when the rec league sign ups opened I signed her up.

The emails kept coming, we need coaches, we need coaches.. well, I thought.. go big or go home right? Just call me coach!

I'm glad I did it, it wasn't anywhere near as difficult as a visit to a proctologist might be, I learned a lot and she had blast. It was a lot of fun to watch the girls get better, to learn new skills and to see their smiles when they made a basket or stole a ball.

Unfortunately, I can't say working with all of the parents was quite so much fun.. I'm trying really hard to leave that behind but one of their behaviors in particular was so childlike that it makes me not want to go near basketball again.

Sadly, because of her, helping next year may be as difficult as it was the first time I had to kill a spider with out screaming... the things you do for your kids!!

Bottom line, she doesn't know me all that well, I don't give up that easily.. so see ya next year!

NINE

2010-09-15T05:18:00.002-04:00

Today you turn 9. Nine! Nine does not even seem possible. That means you have been a part of my life for one quarter of it. And yet, it is hard for me to remember my adult life without you in it.

You are an amazing human being. You are so smart, I see your brain working all the time, and when you are really concentrating you stick your tongue out, maybe it gives you more surface area to do all that thinking.

You are very athletic, you pick sports up quickly and you are good at them. You get discouraged, but you are learning that if you practice at something you will get even better at it.

You are shy. Very shy when you are in new situations and you do much better when you are the first person in a room and others come to you. Again I see this changing and you are becoming more comfortable and confident in new situations.

You are becoming more adventurous, taking more calculated risks and trusting yourself more and I am thoroughly enjoying watching you take those risks and try new things- even food!

You have the most amazing heart. Your entire life, you have always been the person to go up to the new person in the classroom and introduce yourself and start playing with them. You have friends with disabilities and friends who are different in some way from your other friends. I’ve never asked you if you notice the differences, if I were to guess, I would say you don’t.

You have a great imagination, you act out whole scenes with your Polly Pockets or in your doll house, you tell stories and continue them for weeks and weeks, always picking back up exactly where you left off in the ‘game’.

You are stubborn just like me, and I hope I am helping you to learn how to channel that stubbornness into stick-to-itiveness so that you don’t struggle with it as much as I did.

There are times that I hold my breath and watch you make mistakes and learn lessons and each time I see you get hurt my heart aches because I want nothing more than to take that hurt away. And I know I can’t do that, that we all become who we are because of the trials, tribulations, successes and failures we encounter. My heart and mind still aren’t really on the same page with that one- but we’re working on it.

There are days when I feel like the world is caving in around me and I just want to sit down and cry, and then I come to pick you up, and still, you still at 9 come running to me and jump up into my arms and in that moment my world is righted and I find the strength and the courage to continue to fight the good fight. I promise to continue to catch you in my arms as long as you continue to run and jump into them- no matter how old either one of us is.

So today on your ninth birthday I wish you a wonderful day, a year filled with amazing new adventures and achievements and tell you that I look forward to sharing each and every one of them with you. I love you, Sunshine.

To Farm?

2010-05-21T20:58:00.003-04:00

This week I had the opportunity to join Sunshine's class for a day while they spent the week at a local farm learning about all aspects of farming.

It was a great day for several reason. The least of which it was an amazing weather day.

For a long time I've thought it would be amazing to earn my livlihood through outdoor physical labor like working a on a farm. I have a friend who has a small farm and I sometimes help do a few chores around there, there is something cleansing about it for me.

Our first chore on the farm was to muck out the sheep stalls, there are some ewes who are very ready to have their lambs and needed a nice clean place to be with them once they are born. On a side note watching the ewes waddle to get their food I remember when I had that waddle when I was over due and just wanted to not be so uncomfortable anymore.

We then spent some time studying soils, working with compost and putting soil on the newly planted flower beds.

We got to plant potatoes, which I've never done but seeing how much I love potatoes, I think I'd like to plant some at my house, even if it was in a raise bed.

Sunshine's group was responsible all week for a set of laying chicks who were getting transported from their 'incubator' to a coop, so we got to move them and watch them get acclimated to all their new space.

It was one of those days I will remember forever... being outside, with Sunshine and working, coming home tired from the physical labor and the clean air and full of life and happiness and empty of all the cares in the world for at least a few minutes.

Who knows maybe someday, the right opportunity will come along and I'll be working on a farm, or maybe what makes it such a great fantasy is that that is what it is, a fantasy that doesn't ever need to be a full time reality, just one I can get my fix on every now and again.

Saturday...

2010-03-14T16:55:00.009-04:00

A blog I read regularly: Playgroups are No Place for Children inspired me to do this. I think I'll do it again and be more prepared. My grandfather was a wonderful photographer, and I enjoy taking pictures and often get complements on them. On my list of things to save for is a higher end camera. In the mean time.. a day in my life (I am sorry I didn't have my camera at the ready when I was driving and saw a man on a motorcycle with a suitcase strapped to his back driving down the road)...

Too Young to be a Curmudgeon?

2010-02-21T09:18:00.002-05:00

In the grand scheme of things I am really not that old yet. However, I increasingly find myself having the thoughts of a curmudgeon, I'm not sure this bodes well for me as I age.

I think that parents who drop their kids off at a venue and leave them unsupervised should be given shock bracelets. When the children do not use common courtesy by cutting in line, forgetting to say excuse me, or I'm sorry when they run into you, or thank you when you help them- the parents should receive a shock.

A child who is older than 4, I'd like to say 3, but I'm trying to be generous here, who doesn't know to cover their mouth when they cough, should not be allowed out in public. I'm all for giving one or two "whoops I forgot" a day, we all make mistakes- I still struggle to remember to do the vampire cough rather than just my hand, but when there is no attempt what so ever to not projectile germs out into all of society, please do not participate in society.

The third lane on a two lane road that has two arrows pointing toward each other- that is not a travel line for you to pass cars, this is a lane where you go to turn across traffic. Let's get traffic cams on these and give tickets for this too!

When crossing the street, please use crosswalks, you do not jump out into traffic, when I leave my house I am not ready to play Frogger, I was never good at that game, and frankly, do not care to learn.

The signs that say lane ending, merge right or merge left- that means you, the sign doesn't say gun it and see who you can beat, or everyone else is supposed to merge, but you.

See, I'm just too young to be so grumpy about such things.

Holding Your Breath

2010-02-06T17:16:00.005-05:00

Sunshine had a belt test this week. I'll get to the outcome in a minute, I want to start with the weeks leading up to the test.

The Tae Kwon Do school that Sunshine attends does a great job of rewarding kids at each belt test (basically at the end of each session). If they are not ready to earn their next belt, they earn a stripe and the instructors tell them what they need to do to earn the next belt. Being that these kids are fairly young it is rare that a kid moves from one belt to the next without a stripe or two or three.

Sunshine had a green belt and 3 blue stripes before the belt test. I go to almost every class, so I knew she was having trouble with the forms she had to do to get her blue belt. So I asked her if she wanted to get some extra help with the forms. We arranged to make that happen, and then one of her classmates who was going to help her got sick. So the extra practice sort of fell by the wayside.

Another one of those things I wish there was a handbook for is how to teach your kids to handle disappointment. I, like most, have had my fair share of disappointment in my life and frankly I know it sucks. All that lesson learned, better person BS aside. In the moment and for several moments after wards it sucks. In my head I know that Sunshine will have many disappointments in her life, heart breaks and goals that she reaches for and misses. In my heart, I want to protect her from every single one of those moments. I want to feel that sadness and disappointment and heart break for her.

So the last two weeks of our lives have been rather difficult. Now that we are on the other side of the belt test I can see how my trying to prep her for disappointment and telling her if she didn't get it this time, she would definitely get it next time. Her accusing me of "rubbing her face in" the fact that she might not get a blue belt (not quite sure she understands how to use 'rubbing in your face' properly yet.) And the two of us being so similar in our incredible ability to curl up inside ourselves when we are really stressed and trying to deal with or process something. You can see how things lined up for a perfect storm of difficult times in the house.

I can see how we are reaching a point in her life and our relationship where I need to let go a bit more, where I need to realize that my baby who is years older than being a baby is capable of doing so much without me. And that we are reaching the point where she is starting to decide when she needs me, or when she wants to need me, and I'm trying to learn the dance of not being too pushy and still having to parent her, and teach all the life lessons I want to.

We made it through these two weeks, and we'll make it through the next tense time too...

Drum roll please.. .. I held my breath for the 5 minutes they were handing out belts and stripes... and she did it.. she earned her blue belt. She is amazing.

2009

2010-01-03T20:55:00.008-05:00

I had great plans on New Years Eve to go through each month and come up with my favorite memory or event from the month. I tried to do that, but it was really really hard. I can't say that 2009 was a great year, in many respects it had some very difficult times and yet there were some really great moments sprinkled in there to even things out. So all and all I'd say it was a flat year. But here are some of the good things I remember, these are in no particular order.

1. Sunshine made her first communion, confirmation and first reconciliation, nothing quite like a year with three sacraments.

2. I ran 500 miles.

3. I completed a half marathon under the goal I had set for myself.

4. I bought a new to me car- I loved my old car, I had her for almost 10 years. I am hoping that the next 10 with this car will be as great.

5. I put the cat I'd had for 13 years down. And a week later we got 2 kittens.

6. Sunshine went rock climbing for the first time- she was amazing at it.

7. Sunshine ran her first kids fun run at a race I was running.

8. I took a training class for Democratic Women in politics. I learned a lot.

9. I ran races in 4 states-46 to go.

10. I didn't blog enough, I thought about it a lot, I just never made the time.

11. We raised and released Ladybugs, a little creepy at first but cool none the less.

12. I reconnected with friends from High School and College on Facebook- surprisingly this has been a very enjoyable experience for me.

I stopped making resolutions years ago, I rarely met them, and it seemed like such a downer when I broke one, I'm working on a new list of general things I'd like to do this year, things I'd like to accomplish and experience with Sunshine (and by myself), I'm not quite there with the list, but in due time, I'll have my list and be on my way.

Here is hoping that 2010 has many more warm fuzzies than cold pricklies.

The 500 Miles of Me

2009-12-31T13:50:00.001-05:00

I set a goal to run 500 miles in 2009. I’m not really sure why I chose this number, other than it was larger than my 2008 miles and seemed attainable but not easy. I do not remember every one of those 500 miles, many of them were logged on the same sections of road or trail over and over again. Here are a few things I remember about the miles and learned while on those miles.

1. Running while you have to pee is uncomfortable. Running while you have to do the other thing is downright painful. It is almost guaranteed that when either of those two urges arises you will be no where near a port a potty, gas station or area with trees where you can relieve yourself.

2. I spend most of my non-running time in my brain, over thinking any and everything. When I run I am often thinking, but not about running, for the most part my body does all the work and my brain processes other “stuff” I need to work through.

3. Although most of the time my body does all the running, my brain has at times made bargains with my body- just one more mile, you can do it, I promise this will be the last one today. And the opposite has happened where my body has said nice try brain, but we’re done it is time to go home now- and I’ve learned to listen to this too.

4. I don’t really like running on hills. I know they are good for you, and help increase your endurance and speed, but they suck. Often it is the only time I run with hate… hate the hills. Although I did run a hill that I was goaded into running by a running friend who is a much faster better trained runner than I am- he has yet to run the hill. Just saying.

5. Speaking of hills, I ran a 10k this year that is ‘marketed’ as the toughest in the state. I thought nah, can’t be that bad. At first you are in disbelief of the hills. Then you hate the hills with every ounce of your being. Then you can’t help but laugh because you have to wonder what God and geology where thinking when they made the landscape this way and then you’re done.

6. I ran races in 4 states this year. The one in CA was early early in the morning. And even that early it was hot and humid. So hot and humid that before the race even started I needed to put on a new wiking shirt. The one in CT was a cross country course- which I had not expected, run on a day after several inches of rain had fallen.

7. I don’t really like running with anyone- I enjoy running races and setting people to catch up to, but having someone run with me I feel obligated to talk or entertain or go faster. That being said, there were several races where friends who are much faster than me came to meet me and bring me down the home stretch, and I am very grateful for them.

8. I love the supportiveness of runners at races. You often see the same people who run the different events and you get to know the people who run at your pace. You push each other, sometimes you are faster, and sometimes they are faster. But you cross the finish line, you hug, say congrats and you move on.

9. Running at night is fun, and in the summer, often cooler and at least where I live, the roads are often quieter.

10. When a dog runs at you, stand perfectly still. And although I appreciate you telling me your dog is harmless, that doesn’t help the fact that my heart rate is now off the charts.

11. I know putting a race on is a lot of work and I appreciate all the effort that goes into the event and as I run, I thank the volunteers I pass. No matter how small the event participant list is, do not assume everyone running has run the route before, marking all the turns and changes in direction is a good thing.

12. There was only 1 race this year where I longed for water. So much so that at the first water stop I took 3 cups of water, stopped and drank them all. It was only a five miler.. but it was a hot July day with a late start of like 10, it was also the only race this year I stopped and walked up a hill. Heat has an amazing capacity to make running really really difficult.

13. Changing your sweat soaked shirt in a parking lot after a run and letting it all hang out is accepted and often expected.

14. A Guinness milk shake tastes pretty darn good.

15. While running on the dreadmill I have watched several tv series- Weeds Seasons 1-4. The whole run of Sports Night. And so far am through Seasons 1 and 2 of Arrested Development. I also watched several movies, although I can’t remember all of them. Incidentally, having watched with the subtitles on, the first time I heard the voices of the characters in Weeds I thought ‘this is wrong, they don’t sound like that’- at least not the voices I had made up for them.

16. The sports bra is a wonderful invention. More women should look into wearing them when running. It is very supportive until it reaches the end of its life, at which point it lets you know in no uncertain terms that it is done helping you out by inflicting vast amounts of great discomfort.

17. Before the start of the half marathon, I saw a shirt that said Half of Nothing. I have to agree… 13.1 is a lot of miles and I’m proud of every one of them.

18. Stretching is your friend, really.

19. Running after eating a meal is a bad thing. Running after eating chili is something you do only once and never never again.

20. I once almost threw up at the end of a race. I had pushed myself really hard (and not after eating chili) and my body was trying to tell me something. Interestingly, my friends were very supportive standing by to watch the event.. much like being unable to turn away from watching a car accident. That’s runners for you.

I haven’t quite decided what my running goals will be for 2010, although I am leaning more toward working on improving my times by more speed and hill workouts and probably not running more miles than I did this year. But only time and the miles will tell.

13.1

2009-10-18T13:28:00.003-04:00

13.1. Thirteen point one. It doesn’t really seem like much when you say it. But when you say 13.1 miles it starts to mean something. 13.1 miles is the official distance of a half marathon. And I am proud to say that as of a couple of weekends ago I am officially a half marathoner. I ran them, all 13.1 miles.

About 2 years ago I started running after volunteering for a local 10k race that many of my friends participated in. After volunteering I set a goal of participating in that 10k the next year. I got a treadmill and started walking and then running. It took me a long time to get to the point where I could run for 1 mile without stopping- but I did it and I did run that 10k (6.2 miles) that year and was thrilled. Sometime early this year I set my sights on running a half marathon. I do not really know what prompted me to set that as a goal. But I did. As the time approached I got more anxious about the event and started to doubt my ability to run it, and also knew that out of sheer stubbornness I would show up and finish- even if it meant I had to walk part of it.

I’m sure I’ll get around to writing down the thoughts and events of the 13.1 miles, the thing however, that has been dancing around in my mind since the race is my reaction at the end. I was overwhelmed with emotion and started to cry. I had not expected that reaction. As I’ve thought about why I was so overwhelmed this is what I’ve come up with.

I was so very proud of myself. I set a goal and I met it. I did something that 3 years ago, heck, even 2 years ago I never would have even thought of doing. I pushed my body to carry me a lot of foot steps. I pushed myself mentally and physically past an invisible yet very real barrier that I’ve had most of my life.

See I’ve been fat my whole life. Truth be told, some of my most vivid memories are not of fun times, but rather of being made fun of, of worrying that because of my weight I couldn’t participate in an activity, or feeling like I was holding other people back because of my weight.

Honestly, one of my top 5 biggest fears and worries for my daughter is that she will end up fat like I was as a child. Children are cruel to people who are overweight. There are few among us who would ever allow our child to make fun of someone who was a different race, religion or sexual orientation or someone with a mental or physical disability. But fat people, fat people are the last acceptable group of people to be made fun of. And people don’t even realize they do it. There have been several people who after I have told them I am training to run this who have said- “You? You’re running?” “Or if you can do it anyone can.” I’m pretty sure they aren’t suggesting that if this red head can run a race then anyone can. Please do not get me wrong I have a loud and wonderful cheering section and have appreciated all of their wonderful energy.

I won’t get into the issue of struggling with your weight and all the people who say well if you just controlled yourself you’d be fine. I will simply say- show me the alcoholic or drug addict who can control themselves to have just one drink or 1 drug and not go any further, the big difference is of course, that in order to continue to live- food in some amount must be ingested every day.

When I began running I had a couple of fears- one was having a heart attack while running and two was being the last one to cross- the person everyone is waiting for, after all aren’t those two events exactly what would be expected of the fat person? To this date I have not been the last person to finish a race- I have been 2^nd to last but never last- perhaps out of sheer tenacity, but it is what it is.

So back to those 13.1 miles this weekend- I carried my still overweight, and much more in shape and healthy body 13.1 miles. I was faster than people who are physically smaller than me (and who did just as awesome as I did by showing up and finishing) and I did oodles better than the people who sat home on their couches.

So I’ve concluded that those tears at the end were tears of pride and joy and relief. Pride at my accomplishments both in the race and in life, joy at completing a goal and in a way setting myself free from all of the mean and horrible things people have said, expected of me and done to me over the years because of my weight.

Photo courtesy of MaineRunningPhotos

Working Mom

2009-07-26T07:07:00.001-04:00

Recently I had the opportunity to travel for work. It was a great experience, I learned a lot- still processing all the information I learned. I 'hung' out with some coworkers that I don't normally get a chance to hang out with which is also nice.

Sunshine split her time between her Grandmother (my Mom) and her Dad, so my preparation for leaving involved packing for me, Sunshine and the dog who also stayed with my Mom.

Wednesday night I got a call from Sunshine and she was very upset, thing is I had already talked to her that night AND I missed her call back. When I did get the message she was already asleep. I felt so helpless, there was nothing I could do. Knowing I had talked to her only a few hours earlier and that she was sad and tired, I didn't want to wake her up, but it broke my heart.

I asked Sunshine's Dad to have her call me in the morning before she went to camp., thing is we were on a 3 hour time difference so I had to factor that in. and so it was a very early morning phone call for me.

From a professional standpoint the trip was worth EVERY minute of the time away... that just isn't something I can explain to my little one, that in the end the times I travel are good for us in that it gives me more knowledge and skills to continue to advance my career which in turn keeps a roof over our heads, food on the table and buys her the things she wants and needs. I don't know that an elementary school student needs to understand the concept fully... I just hope at some point she realizes that the trips I take for work are important and necessary and part of how our family works and that I survive anymore of those helpless moments that may come during my travels.

Kung Fu Sunshine

2009-07-02T19:57:00.005-04:00

Another session of Tae Kwon Do, another stripe. Sunshine is doing such a great job. She loves going to class and I like that she enjoys it. I love how sometimes she smiles and sometimes she is so focused and serious.

Doing forms.

Kicks

Ax kick

Sparring

Look at her go

Look at her go

Here I come

Congrats

Let's Go Fly A Kite

2009-05-25T17:22:00.006-04:00

I have Mother's Guilt. Seems like I have it in spades these days.

Like most people I am working harder, longer hours and making less money. We all know someone who has been laid off, had their pay cut, their hours cut, vacation cut or some other creative solution employers are putting into place to deal with the economy. Prices are going up for items I need, there is no room in my budget anymore for luxuries.

There is always a portion of my brain devoted to money and work- more so now than ever. I feel guilt that I am only taking one week of vacation with Sunshine this summer, and that any plans we had for visiting people have been put on hold.

I try to offset my guilt by having some new and different activities to do with Sunshine. I have made a point of going through Rachel Ray cookbooks with her and picking out recipes she wants to make and will eat so we can make them together. This weekend we went to the Memorial Day activities in town as well as the Roller Derby and the Demolition Derby. We rented one of her favorite movies that frankly after seeing it as many times as I have-I loathe it. More guilt.

Add into the mix that I still try to carve out time for myself to run- having set a goal of running a 1/2 marathon in the fall. To that end this weekend we experimented with me running and Sunshine biking along side- for the most part this was a successful adventure, there was some annoyance at me that I wasn't running quite as fast as she could bike. And tears ensued- more guilt. But in the end she has said she would go again- so I'll take it.

Today I laid on the lawn- my unmowed lawn because the lawn mower is broken and in the shop, while Sunshine reenacted the parade in our driveway. She then asked that we play some outside games. Completely exhausted and thoroughly enjoying the breeze and the sun, I said lets sit outside and read. Instead she went and got her kite.

As we stood on the railroad tracks away from powerlines to fly the kite I thought of that moment in Mary Poppins at the end when they all go fly a kite, when Jane and Michael's Dad realizes that flying a kite with his family is more important than work.

I know that Sunshine and I flying the kite together was way more important than work as are all the other things I take time to do with Sunshine. Yet I still can not get rid of the guilt for the time I am not with her, when my mind is occupied with me or work or something non-Mom related.

As one more additional reminder to cherish those moments, as we were nearing our time to come in for dinner a butterfly landed near us, clearly it had recently come out of its cocoon and was working to stretch its wings, testing them out.

So, I'm going to take some advice from Mr. Banks and that butterfly and feel less guilty and cherish all those special moments. I know for certain it is not going to be an issue task.

Latest Belt Test

2009-05-02T19:21:00.004-04:00

Sunshine had another belt test recently, and once again she was awesome. We had to attend an earlier session because of another commitment, so she was the only person in the class higher than a white belt so she had to do the test by herself and it did not phase her.

I am so very proud of her.

Savor Every Moment

2009-04-02T21:26:00.003-04:00

I have a theory, okay, I have lots of theories, but this one in particular has been bouncing around in my brain for a few months.

I recently met a guy, we'll call him Jon, who fell off a cliff while camping. He broke his neck and for about 5 minutes was paralyzed. He got his ability to walk back, but he spent months and months in enormous pain throughout his body and incredible headaches that made him unable to sleep for more than 2 hours at at time. He is, for the most part, fine now, he has a slight limp but you would never know about the ordeal he had unless he told you.

Someone else I have known for a few years, we'll call him Sam, recently shared with me that as a young child he had a tumor removed from his spine. He was in a lot of pain but didn't tell anyone, he didn't want to miss out on the sports season he was involved in at the time, until one day he could barely walk and he had to tell his folks. The tumor, thankfully, was not cancerous, he had it removed and went through a recovery period. And like Jon, if Sam didn't tell you about the incident you would never know.

Sam and Jon are pretty different people except in one respect. I have seen both of them in pretty difficult tense situations and they don't get rattle. They are the epitome of go with the flow kind of people. Both very smart, well spoken people who present themselves well, they just have a presence about them that is hard to nail down.

Until, I found out about their life threatening/altering medical events. And this is where my theory comes in... they get it, deep down they truly understand what it means to savor every moment, to live in the present, to smell the roses, only worry about the important stuff and to take in all the sights, because for a time, how ever brief, they both thought there wouldn't be any more moments to savor. Or at least that is my theory.

So I wonder, truly wonder, if there is a way, without the life threatening moments to get to that place where you can savor every moment, live wholly in the present and not sweat the small stuff.

I don't wish for anyone the life events that either Sam or Jon had, but I do wish for everyone- or at least for me- to find the way to smell the roses and savor every moment and not sweat the small stuff.

Are You Smarter Than a Second Grader?

2009-03-24T20:58:00.002-04:00

One of the very cool things that I am able to do is volunteer in Sunshine's classroom once a month. I have been lucky that I have been able to do this since Kindergarten.

I love the opportunity to meet the children, see what is going on in the classroom and stay connected with her. She always gets excited when she knows I am going to be coming into the classroom as well.

This year my time usually lines up with writing or reading. Two things that I have struggled with my whole life. I read slowly, always have, but over time I have gained a love of reading. And not until I was in my late 20s did I start to write well, now I am actually asked to write documentation and other documents.

One thing that I have never been good at is spelling. My Mom says it is because when I was learning to spell I was taught to remember Q like the qua qua the sound a coffee pot makes.. so you can see the confusion is that a C or a Q? I once spelled my name wrong on a standardized test and had to take remedial English as a Freshman in college because my spelling score was so low.

I digress a bit here... it has been interesting reading with Sunshine. Often she will read to me in the car where I can't see the words so she spells the letters for me and I try to come with the right word.. lucky for me.. probably because I am such an awful speller I have learned to figure words out based on context not their spelling.. this I am monumentally good at.

So today while volunteering I was asked to read stories the kids had written and give them feedback or help them out. Things like punctuation and capitalization I got that one covered... but OH BOY when it comes to spelling I may be corrupting an entire second grade class.

I was asked by 2 different children how you spell scared.. like I was scared of the monster. I had to write it down.. scared? scarred? wait which is scared of the monster and which is I was scarred by the surgery?

And on last weeks spelling list moped. I had to email my Mother and say.. moped.. is that I moped around all day because I was sad, or I mopped the floor?

Pretty scary huh?

Best Things...

2009-03-14T21:28:00.004-04:00

It has been a long time since I've had much to say... well that isn't exactly true.. I often have lots to say and rarely lack for words- the right ones or the wrong once.

Like many people these days I'm barely breathing, barely keeping my head above water. In every part of my life I am trying to do more with less. I go from thing to thing to thing and don't stop, so to actually have the time to sit and write a few of my many words down just doesn't happen.

One of the things I have noticed during this time of hurry scurry is that people are nicer to each other. Maybe it comes from having to reprioritze and realizing as the bumper sticker I saw the other day said.. "the best things in life aren't things".

Maybe it comes from a common sense of treading water and barely breathing.

Or maybe it is like that natural instinct that you see in animals... somehow they know when you are having a rough day and just need them to sit next to you and let you know they are here.

Whatever the cause is I am grateful for the kindness of strangers and for the people in my life who have taken the time to send kind words and warm fuzzies... those are some of the "best things" in the world.

So Proud

2009-02-12T21:15:00.004-05:00

Today Sunshine had her belt test and she earned her Green Belt. She has been working hard and we have been practicing the forms at home.

Words can not express how proud I am of her today- she said she didn't care if she got another stripe or her belt. But she worked hard and she earned it.

One of the best parts for me was at the end when they bow to the teachers and then turn and bow to the parents when they are released she ran full steam at me and jumps into my arms. This is something that she has done since she could walk at day care at the end of the day at camp or what have you. There is no better feeling in the world than that moment when she jumps in my arms and holds on tight.

Human Doing

2009-02-03T19:15:00.003-05:00

Someone once said to me that I am a really good human doing and not such a human being. I recently threw that line at someone else... I hadn't thought about it awhile... but it is true... if I have to just sit I can almost feel like a cage animal.

Today the thought of this took up significant noodeling power in my brain.

Am I that way out of necessity?
Is there really so much to do and so little time?
Do I keep busy so that I don't have to confront something?
Is it just who I am?

I don't know the answer, I suspect it is a combination of all 4 of those things to some extent.

There are days like today where I am so tired I could honestly sit on the floor and sob. I look at the pile of laundry that needs to be folded and the dishes that need to be done and the sneakers that sit on the floor looking at me reminding me I did not run this morning or the day before. A child who should be sleeping instead is calling my name every 15 seconds or so telling me that the animals are flying around the room. The same child who was just laughing so hard at a joke she told that you couldn't help but laugh along (which is probably why I am not sitting on the floor sobbing at this very moment). In my mind I know I have bills to pay and a checkbook to balance and the liter box to scoop and.... the list goes on.

Always something to do.... so you can see why I struggle with just being. Heck, I spend a lot of my time just trying to remember to breathe!

My Golden City

2009-01-20T21:49:00.003-05:00

When I was a little girl my parents owned a business that they ran out of a large old building. The history of the building was fascinating- in middle school I did a report on it- it had been a speak easy during prohibition, a theater before "talkies" and even after, an ice house where the ice from the river was stored for people to buy to keep their food cold. It was a beautiful old building. With lots of stories to tell.

Behind the building was a huge yard- it wasn't used on a regular basis for anything in particular.- but there was a huge spot light to light the building up since it abutted some railroad tracks. But in the winter time I used the yard all the time.

Just after a snow fall when everything is white and peaceful, there is that amazing silence and beauty that comes with a new fallen snow. I would walk over to the building and look at the yard, with the spot light the new snow shown almost golden. It was here that I spent hours playing, imagining I lived in a city of gold.

During the snow storm last weekend I was reminded of those moments as I shoveled and watched Sunshine build a city out of the snow piles created by the snow plow. Each pile was a different house in the city and served a different purpose, different people visited and she made a bench for me to come and sit on to talk to her.

I hope that when she is my age that her memories of her city are as fond as my memories of my golden city.

The Hamster

2009-01-14T18:13:00.005-05:00

I was sitting on the couch working and heard a noise.. I look over and this is what I see:

Who I Am

2009-01-13T18:46:00.002-05:00

I was accepted into a training program recently. I was hesitant to even apply for it because I thought when would I actually have the time to take the classes and do homework and that kind of thing?

But I did and last weekend I attended the first class. It was a wonderful experience meeting a couple dozen professional, intelligent, funny, successful women.

The first class was on communication and as you might expect we had to introduce ourselves. I have been thinking about my introduction of myself since then.

It was not my intention but when I introduced myself I focused on the fact that I am a Mom, a single Mom at that, and I left out all the other stuff I am.

I think because 100% of the time I am a Mom I loose sight of the other things I am. Maybe not loose sight, but maybe forget about the other things. There is always a percentage of my brain devoted to Sunshine, what is she doing? What do I need to do for her? What will she wear tomorrow? What about lunch? Do I have food for her lunch box? Did we remember her library book? Are we out of chocolate milk? Did she have homework?

I think sometimes I hide behind the fact that I am a Mom. It is easy to do, think of all the times you show up some place with your kid(s) and everyone has said hello to Sunshine and then Oh, Hi Mom. I'm not saying this is a bad thing in anyway. It is what it is and I love being a Mom- best and most difficult job I've ever had.

What I need to remind myself and remember is that I am a smart, professional woman who manages people, projects and products well. A volunteer for my community in several different way. A friend, a confidant, a pet owner, a runner and a whole bunch of other things, who happens to also be a Mom.

Science Museum

2009-01-03T13:37:00.006-05:00

We were given tickets to take the train to Boston, a bit of a luxury. But a lot of fun.

We arrived in Boston and hopped on the T to the Science Museum.

I have little more to say than WOW. We could have spent a whole day if not more there.

All about the human body, so very cool. Kind of glad she wasn't interested in the section on how babies come from cells. :-)

This was a cool place of mythical creatures, we couldn't take pictures inside, lots of old artifacts. Beautiful Chinese dragons and mermaids and griffins. Wonderful.

We got tickets to the butterfly garden and really they were this close. Sunshine was a bit freaked that they landed on you so we didn't get to stay very long.

The map geek in me loves this picture.

Happy holidays T-Rex

This was an area on senses- taste, touch, see, hear, smell and this is a time delayed photo of us.

Am I just a dance of molecules?

This amazingly large light bright, lots of fun, I made the heart!

We also had a chance to take in a show at the planetarium on "What Happened to Pluto?" which reminded me that we need to visit our local planetarium more.

As we were leaving, good night T-Rex.

I want to try and make this an annual visit, this was so much fun.

300 Miles

2008-12-31T13:34:00.004-05:00

During 2008 I ran 300 miles. My first full year of running and I ran 300 miles!

As I think about 2008, to get a little philosophical here, the 300 miles seems like a really good symbol of 2008 for me, it represents so many things.

I started running after volunteering for a race that several of my friends were running in. I had started biking regularly during the divorce- it served one purpose and one purpose only- to fill my time. It had other side benefits like accomplishing something I never thought I would do (biking 180 miles in 3 days), physical fitness and a new activity for Sunshine and me to do together.

But I never really enjoyed biking it felt much more like a chore, I had made a commitment to ride and I knew mentally I needed to do something like that to get through the divorce.

Running on the other hand has somehow become part of me. It is, at times, a compulsion. Other times a drive or a need. It helps me to process my thoughts, to work through issues and to just spend some quality time by myself.

Beyond that, it is hard. It is about me and no one else, me getting up and going outside or into the basement. Me climbing that hill, me pushing through the pain of not enough oxygen, me picking that person in front of me in the race and saying, you know what I can pass her/him. It is also about conquering fears and taking risks. And ultimately about better health and fitness.

I remember standing at the start of my first race in December 2007. I was scared. Could I finish? Will I be the last person to cross the finish line? I walked probably half of the 5k and I did finish and I wasn't the last person to cross the finish line.

Running is a symbol of my life in 2008 in many ways. I have taken more risks. I have had difficult conversations with people at work and in my life. I have stood up for myself and I have said "no", even when I thought that me saying "no" could adversely affect my relationship with that person (friend, coworker, romantic interest). I have traveled with people I didn't know and had a great time. I have held myself accountable for mistakes I've made, but also become much better at forgiving myself for these mistakes. I have played more and in general taken better care of myself.

As I think back over the last 300 miles and 365 days there have been high moments and low moments, frankly some low moments that lasted for weeks. But in the end, I pushed through and made it up the hill, caught the person in front of me and crossed the finish line.

And I am thankful for all those experiences- good, bad or ugly. I look forward to the highs and lows that 2009 will bring, to the 500 miles I will run and to all the new experiences that await me.

May 2009 be filled with all that you hope for, need and want.

Trains

2008-12-30T13:55:00.002-05:00

Yesterday Sunshine and I went to Boston on the train to the Science Museum, more on that later, but first I needed to say a few things about trains.

I had forgotten, or perhaps I blocked, some previous train experiences until yesterday when we sat about 10 minutes from the station with mechanical problems. At first a 5 minute fix which then led to a 35 minute fix and people coming from the station to fix it. I wasn't as freaked as I am when they say mechanical problem on a plane, I mean at least I knew we weren't going to fall from the sky if something went wrong.

What I remembered of my previous train travel were three specific events.

The first one was when I was probably 10 or 12 and my parents took me to Rockefeller plaza to go skating. On the train ride down the car we were in had NO HEAT, it was probably December and it was COLD. Of course all the other cars were full of people so we suffered. When we arrived in NYC we bought extra layers we just couldn't get warm. I am sure that my parents remember this much differently than I do, and I'm sure it involved lots of whining on my part.

On the way back home on that same trip, different train, they couldn't control the heat in the car so it was, at least as I remember it, 100 plus degrees, and remember we were all sorts of layered up for the outside skating. Again, I'm sure there was whining and probably even crying.

The next episode happened probably in my late 20s. I was headed to NYC with some family to take in the Radio City Music Hall Christmas show and shortly south of Albany we stopped. And were were stopped for a while. I think it must have been an early morning train because I remember lots of people in business suits on their cell phones with brief cases who were worried about being late. Well, come to find out some yahoos had sent an ATV from a hillside into the side of the train for fun, I suppose. But when the police arrived and couldn't find a body much mayhem ensued.

I've always thought of trains as pretty reliable and a straightforward kind of travel, maybe I've just been lucky, or maybe things like this happen all the time and I just didn't realize it.

On a related subject, I was fascinated to sit in the train station in Boston and watch the crowd of people stare at the board for the commuter trains. Like zombies in some sense, starring intently at the golden light in the sky and moving in a heard to the correct boarding gate once a number filled the TBA slot on the board. I was, at this moment thankful that this is not part of my every day work life, I suppose I could get used to it, but I'm glad I don't have to.

Christmas Spirit

2008-12-24T15:06:00.003-05:00

This year I have had a hard time finding my Christmas Spirit. I can't put my finger on it. I'm not sad, I'm not upset, it just isn't here.

I started to write that frankly everything is okay, and deleted it, because that really isn't true. Perhaps a more accurate sentence would be, in my life, for the most part everything is okay. I feel like, however, that there is much negative energy in the world right now.

I am, as are many, excited about the President Elect taking office. I believe that he gives us a chance for change. If nothing else, his election alone has shown that we can change and that we still do have hope.

I listen to the news reports of the bailouts and sit in stunned silence. I am not an economist or a business major. My experience with money is through management of my own and several non-profit organizations as a volunteer. However, if I managed my money or anybody's money the way these large corporations are I would deserve to fail, I would deserve to not be able to get a line of credit, to have to pay with cash, and be held accountable to someone.

Adding to that there are several people in my life who are sick or have loved ones dying, who have been laid off, who have no money to heat their homes or to buy food for their tables.

I was in the store the other day and everyone was polite, no one was angry, but everyone had the same look on their face- exhaustion. And I know I am exhausted, there is never enough time and with the way things are now in the economy we all have to work harder and make do with less.

I have enjoyed buying presents for Sunshine this year and imagening her opening them on Christmas morning. I have listened to Christmas Caroles and enjoyed them.

But maybe that is just it... maybe my Christmas Spirit is just too tired to come out this year, or maybe my Christmas Spirit isn't Christmas Spirit this year... it is instead Hope.. hope that things will change, that we all will get through the trials we face right now and on the other side be better for it.

6 Random Facts

2008-12-05T06:49:00.006-05:00

I was tagged by Amy over at Welcome to the Jungle.

First, the tagging game's rules:
Link to the person who tagged you.

Post the rules on your blog.
Write 6 random things about yourself.
Tag 6-ish people at the end of your post.
Let each person know he/she has been tagged.
Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

OK... 6 totally random things about me:

I hate to iron. My Mom is a fantastic ironer or is it person who irons, me, if I never have to iron another piece of clothing in my life it will be too soon, alas I know that I will be ironing soon.

I do better on less sleep than more sleep. Perhaps this comes with being a Mom but if I ever have a chance to get 8 hours of sleep the next day I am almost useless. The one exception to this rule is if I am sick.

I can drink from my forehead. It is a trick I learned a long time ago and one that can only truly be appreciated in person. But I hope the images going through your head right now are enjoyable.

I have never had a martini or a margarita. This came up in conversation recently and I thought it interesting, just seems like two drinks that if you choose to drink, you should try at some point in your life.

I can back up vehicles towing something. When I learned to drive my Uncle made sure I learned how to do this, at the time I thought what a stupid thing to learn. It has served me well over the years, it is not a talent a lot of people have.

I love being near the water, not sitting on a beach baking in the sun, but walking along the beach of the ocean or a lake, playing in the water or even just taking a hot bath. The water centers me.

Now I tag:

Brian at The SketchoMeter
Nancy at A Dog's Life
Jenn at Jenn & Betsy's Adventure

Thankful

2008-11-26T18:22:00.004-05:00

I've been thinking about what I'm thankful for. It may have been prompted by volunteering in Sunshine's classroom and them writing their Happy Thanksgiving cards, or it may just be that this time of year makes me think about that.

For much of this year I have been struggling with finding the balance of appreciating all that I have and not wanting for too much. It is a weird balance to find to appreciate all that I have in my life and still set goals and drive for things.

So I have had the opportunity to spend a lot of the year thinking about all the things in my life to be thankful and grateful for:

Sunshine- she is amazing. She is smart and funny and curious and allows me to see the world in a different way.
My family- both near and far. I have gotten to see family I haven't seen in awhile this year and it has been wonderful to reconnect, to help my elderly Aunt and see part of my history. I've gotten to reconnect with my cousin who is becoming more like the sister I never had than a cousin. My Mom and Aunt and Uncle who are nearby who are always around to help me and Sunshine. My Dad and Mike who are not so close but are a phone call away and who visit and are very supportive.
My friends- I have gotten to reconnect with old friends recently and I have such wonderful friends nearby who are there to have fun with, to help, or just to be with.
My health- I am grateful that I started running, that I found a sport that drives me and pushes me to be healthy and that I have had the determination to keep it up.
My home and my job- In this time of economic uncertainty I am thankful that Sunshine and I have a roof over our heads and that I have a job to go to everyday to help provide for Sunshine.
My animals- There is nothing like having a cat or a dog curl up next to you on a cold night or sit at your side when you aren't feeling well.

I suppose these things are things that everyone is grateful and thankful for, for me the key will continue to be remembering these wonderful things in my life no matter what else is happening.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Breathe

2008-11-18T21:20:00.003-05:00

BREATHE. It seems like such a simple thing. It should happen automagically right? Our bodies are just programmed to circulate blood and air without us actually consciously telling our heart to beat or our lungs to move in and out.

But I forget. I forget to breathe. How does that happen? I don't actually tell myself to breathe, so technically can I forget to tell myself to breathe? Or is it I tell myself not to breathe?

I know I'm not alone. I hear people say it all the time- 'don't forget to breathe', 'I keep telling myself to breathe, but I don't'.

I've never been a tremendously goal oriented person, more of a driven person, as my cousin calls it- the relentless pursuit of perfection.

I think in my relentless pursuit I may forget to do simple things like breathe.

So I'm working really hard to remember that all I really have to do is breathe, sometimes that is all there is to do and the rest will fall into place.

Okay now, everyone take a deep breath.

Turkey, A Bull, Dry Ice and Wii, OH MY

2008-11-09T20:38:00.007-05:00

One of my favorite days of the year happened this weekend- a couple of my friends have a great Thanksgiving party, we all get together and just connect, people we haven't seen since the last gathering and people we see every day. There is always good food, good friends and good fun. And this year was no exception. It was a fantastic day!

Carving the turkeys.

Look at all that great food!

Riding a manual bull. Can you say that? Is it a manual mechanical bull?

This would be me riding the bull, notice I had a smile the whole time!

And Sunshine takes her turn!

There was of course Wii playing

And what event would be complete without dry ice??

This is the throwing of the dry ice in a bottle and then it explodes.

And dry ice in the sink.

Happy Anniversary

2008-11-09T09:45:00.000-05:00

I missed the actual day, but none the less- I have been blogging now for just over a year! It has been an interesting experiment for me. Being able to write about my life with Sunshine and also use the opportunity to write down thoughts and feelings going through my brain- help me to process parts of my life.

So, thank you all for reading and commenting both on the blog and in real life!

Halloween Through the Years

2008-11-01T07:36:00.006-04:00

2001

2002

2003

2004

2005
2006

2007

2008

Is There Something I'm Not Telling Myself?

2008-10-20T21:26:00.002-04:00

Today in the mail I received my "personalized certificate" congratulating me on the birth of my child. Last week I received coupons for formula and diapers.

Yes, it is true I am a mother, I did have a child. Said child has not used formula or diapers in several years.

As far as I know I am not pregnant, I am not expecting a child, frankly one of the key ingredients to making a child (or at least if I remember correctly) is missing.

It stung today when I saw the envelope, congratulating me on the birth of my child. It is no different than when I go into the basement to run and I see the high chair, car seats, boxes of clothes, crib, toys etc sitting in the corner. These things are taking up space, there is so much I could do with that space. But yet, I don't, I keep them around because I'm not ready to say I'm done having children.

Maybe I am done and I'm just not accepting that fact, or maybe it is time to get rid of the baby stuff and make room for other stuff... if another baby comes along I can always get new stuff right?

By the way, I haven't registered anywhere for this mystery baby I'm getting formula and diapers for... so just send money...

Special Moments

2008-10-14T20:56:00.003-04:00

It seems like such a small thing.. but Sunshine lost her first tooth this morning. Not her first tooth ever, just her first tooth with me.

Recently I was talking with a friend who is also divorced and we were discussing the milestones that we might miss.. the first date.. the start of their period. Little things, the things that we loose out on when our child(ren) splits their time between two houses.

It is completely selfish and I know that... but I will take such pleasure in being the tooth fairy tonight for the 5th baby tooth to have fallen out.

Young and Free

2008-10-11T21:09:00.004-04:00

To dance like no one is watching...

Sparring

2008-10-11T07:22:00.003-04:00

This week Sunshine was moved up to the next Tae Kwon Do class. It was time and she and I had been talking about moving up, maybe going and watching a class or two so she could get a feel for it. It is the same instructors but the class moves much faster and is just a bit more intense. From a Mom's perspective I could see if she didn't move up she would start to stagnate, wouldn't learn as much. But at the same time, the class includes older kids with green and blue belts- so I understood why she was hesitant.

Anyway, she moved up this week and had a smile on her face the WHOLE time. I sat back and watched the grin and my heart sang. They ran laps and she smiled. They did drills and she smiled. And then they did sparring.

Since she doesn't have sparring equipment yet they had flags they had to pull from each other's belts.. but she smiled the whole time. The whole time! She did get to watch the other kids spar in their sparring gear so she could see what it was like.

After class I asked her, do you want to spar? And she said "Oh Yes!"

And so, I am buying my gorgeous little daughter sparring gear. Somehow I always thought it would be hockey gear and I'd want to jump off the bench and hurt anyone who touched my little baby.. but no, we're skipping that and going right to hand to hand combat.

She loves it and I see her smile and so I can wrap my brain around it... but my heart... is conflicted... it sings at watching her enjoy it and skips a beat when I realize what she is doing.

I suppose just another one of those challenges we face as parents... the letting go and the holding on and finding that balance. But if you read about a woman from the stands at some Tae Kwon Do match taking out a kid.. send bail money... it is probably just me!

The Fall

2008-10-07T13:11:00.003-04:00

Fall is one of my favorite times of year. There is something about the change of the season, the gorgeous colors on the trees and on the ground. I love waking up and needing to put on warm fuzzy socks and my fleece. Even though many people think of Spring as the time of rebirth- fall, for me, is that door closing, leading to a new opening.

I wish at these moments that I had a deck and could sit and watch the water and have a cup of tea. But I am lucky enough to live close enough to the water that I can go and enjoy the water and the beauty of fall.

Even as the fall arrives- this gorgeous flower is still alive and thriving.

This gorgeous tree in all different stages of autumn.
I love sunsets and sunrises... so beautiful.

Thoughts.. thoughts.. thoughts...

2008-09-28T22:42:00.003-04:00

Been a bit.. been busy, been out of town.. and I've got about 3 different blogs halfway written in my head.. too many thoughts spinning around in my head to break them all out individually.

But I'll get there.. soon.. don't give up...

Birthday!

2008-09-20T10:16:00.005-04:00

Sunshine recently had her birthday parties and her actual birthday. What fun!

This year for the first time I actually had her kids birthday party some place other than my house. It was a stretch for me, but when I did the math, it ended up being cheaper than all the food I would buy and my time.

So we had it at a movie theater and watched The Game Plan, which was a big hit with the kids. We had popcorn and cake and ice cream. All and all a fun day.

The family party was a bit more subdued but still fun none the less, a nice BBQ in the backyard and some more wonderful presents.

And finally, the cupcakes for the classroom.

I would say it was much more of a birthday weekend than a birthDAY.

Happy Birthday Sunshine, thanks for being born!

Cousins

2008-09-17T21:40:00.003-04:00

Last year Sunshine and I took a trip to Florida, to visit a friend and some family that live down there.

I can not for the life of me tell you why I felt so compelled to do this trip, but I just knew I needed to.

It was an adventure with a capital A. Traveling alone with a child caused me a heightened sense of anxiety and also caused me to stop and enjoy things just that little extra bit.

Seeing my cousin who I hadn't seen since I was 13 which was only like what 2 or 3 years ago was a blast! We reconnected and have been in touch regularly since my visit.

Well, she came to visit all the way from Florida and it was a great time. We are so very similar in so many ways and yet so very different in others. Some say we look like we could be sisters.

We spent one day just the two us having fun cousin bonding time. It was wonderful.

Her nice little sports car.. never been in one of these before. It was a blast!

At my favorite beach in the state! I love this place.

I love this sign.. no Street girls or sailors.

A view looking up from the car as we drove.. what a day!

Demolition Derby

2008-09-15T20:31:00.004-04:00

This weekend we attended the demolition derby. Always so much fun. My cousin from Miami was up, so we dragged her a long, a bit of a stretch for her.. but it was fun all around.

Nothing better than hearing your daughter cheer for cars to loose their tires!!

See even adults have fun at these things!

This would be the loose a tire cheer!

Dancing to YMCA on a big tire in the infield.

Yes that would be Frosty on top of that car.

Running in the Woods

2008-09-10T06:18:00.000-04:00

What more can I say... running through the woods.. makes me smile...

For more WW go here..

Wide Open Spaces

2008-08-30T16:19:00.003-04:00

You know, it is all about perspective. And sometimes I lose that fact.

I live a pretty great life, I'm successful professionally, I'm a strong independent woman raising a fabulous child. I've had the opportunity to be in love a few times and had my fair share of broken hearts. I have fantastic friends who are amazing humans in general and great to me.

But there are times... when I get caught in the negative and lose sight of all the great stuff. I forget that there are people who want children but haven't found someone to have one with or can't have children. There are people who have never been in love or who have never been loved back. There are people who struggle from career to career trying to find where they fit in. There are people in unhappy relationships, afraid to end them for fear of what might be on the other side.

It is in these moments when I get low and I can so clearly in my head say to myself- this is ridiculous- be grateful for what you have and who you are- for your life is wonderful- and at the same time ignore this and focus on the thing that is bothering me.

This is when I need the outdoors- when I need wide open space- when I need to see and understand the vastness of nature and appreciate it all.

I can't do as the Dixie Chicks say and head out west... but I can re energize in m my wide open spaces with Sunshine and be ready to tackle the rest of life's tests.

The Sky

2008-08-27T07:57:00.002-04:00

I love fall, although it seems to have arrived a bit early this year. I love it, cool nights, warm days!

For more WW go here..

Flower Power Day 8

2008-08-25T08:04:00.002-04:00

She LOVES IT! YES!!

Flower Power Day 7

2008-08-23T16:53:00.003-04:00

And today I finished.

You'll notice that many of the walls are blank, this is because the posters that I ordered have not arrived, but for the most part, the room is done.

Tomorrow I shall rest. And Sunshine will get to see her room, can't wait to see her face!

Flower Power Day 6

2008-08-22T21:23:00.001-04:00

Started to bring stuff into the room. That is going to be the tricky part, where to put everything.

But here are the Flower Power Linens.

Flower Power Day 5

2008-08-21T21:38:00.004-04:00

Much progress today. Picked up the loft bed, and put it together, and started to bring stuff into the room.

I am feeling better about what I have to do over the next couple of days now that the major projects are done.

The theme is starting to come together.

Not sure about the ottoman, but it opens for storage, I really like that idea. I'll have to see if it grows on me in the next day or 2.

Flower Power Day 4

2008-08-21T06:00:00.003-04:00

No new pictures today, but some progress.

3rd coats of paint on the book cases, they look much much better. And for the most part I'm done with the painting, may have a few touch ups to do, but no major work.

I go and take a look at the loft bed today, and if it is sturdy, it will come home with me tonight. It is integral to my plan for the room. However, if it isn't good, I have a back up plan and have found a friend who is willing to build one with me.

In other exciting news I stopped by Lowe's and found these.

I must say, the people at Lowe's were quite rude, when I asked where I could find the Wallies. He's a cartoon isn't he? I said yes, but spelled it for them, and said I'd seen it on their website. Well, ma'am, we don't have everything on our website in the store. I understand that, that's why I'm here to look around. So when the woman brought me to the aisle, and we found them, I simply pointed at the name and said, see look, Wallies.

Oh well, I'm looking forward to getting things put in the room and adding in all the accessories. I got such cool accessories!

Flower Power Day 3

2008-08-19T18:37:00.004-04:00

Today is mostly about second coats, it was a bit disheartening to see the dark walls in the day light, they will need a full second coat.

Here is the pink on the book cases, pink and yellow. When discussing the room with Sunshine she wanted gymnastics, fairies, flowers, princes and this lamp she saw in a picture.

Not a small task, but I'm covering many of the bases.. the pink, is called.. Night Fairy! How cool is that???

Flower Power Day 2

2008-08-18T20:49:00.002-04:00

The walls.. from a light purple to a dark purple (they call it Grandeur)...

Flower Power Day 1

2008-08-18T20:36:00.003-04:00

Sunshine is with her Dad this week, and for her birthday I am redoing her room for her.

Follow my progress over the week.

I give you before pictures and

Day 1

Yellow on the book cases

Spiders

2008-08-15T05:55:00.004-04:00

Let's be clear, I hate spiders, despise them, as a young child I had an awful dream about them and have been fearful of them ever since. I am well aware of where poisonous spiders live and do what I can to avoid those places.

Well, along comes Sunshine and there are just some things a Mom has to do. I remember when Sunshine was really small, probably less than a year old, she started crying out in the middle of the night so I go running, only to find a spider in her crib, a big black spider on the nice white crib sheets.

This is a defining moment in a woman's life, this is when you understand the folk lore passed down of the woman who hiked up a mountain to save her child from a rival tribe while the men in the village gathered their wits to go and fight the other tribe.

Yes, I understand entering a tribe of rivals is very different than killing a spider, but you must understand, my fear of spiders is palpable, often involves screaming and dancing around.

So Tuesday I pick Sunshine up from camp, we have just left the parking lot and are entering a residential area with a low speed limit, I'm always tense through this area, because there are always people walking or kids out playing. As we are discussing the events of the day, all of a sudden Sunshine screams... screams so loud and strong that my heart is in my throat... and I'm shaking because I'm sure I have hit a dog or a person, but there is no place to pull over.

As I am trying to get 20 feet up the road top pull over, Sunshine now begins to scream words,

DADDY LONG LEGS! DADDY LONG LEGS!

At this point I am both relieved that I have not inadvertently hit something and feel very sorry for Sunshine that she is so upset, crying and yelling.

I pull over and stop and am shaking so badly that I can not grab the Daddy Long Legs by one of its legs, which is just forcing Sunshine to scream more.

A few deep breaths, I grab the spider, toss it out of the car window and home we go.

I kid you not when I tell you I was still shaking 10 minutes later.

Amazing the transformations we make when we become Mom's.

Rafting!!!

2008-08-10T15:40:00.007-04:00

I went rafting with some friends this weekend and it was amazing!

A friend, J, has his own raft and has been a raft guide in a previous life, he also grew up on the river so I was very excited when he said, just pick a date and we'll go.

I don't know about where you are.. but we've had inordinate amounts of rain in the last two weeks, so the water levels were incredibly high, J was beyond excited to raft at these high water levels. My friend T and I asked just under 200 times if it was really safe at these water levels, see neither of us had ever been before. And J assured us it was safe, I consulted with his wife A just to get her take, she agreed. So fears suppressed.. off we went..

So four of us embarked on the journey down the Kennebec, J and his wife A, my friend T and me.Hard to take pictures during the big rapids, but needless to say, it was like a wall of water coming at us.. amazing!
I'm told that this spot is usually a nice calm swimming hole, not so when we were there. But while we were standing there taking a break, a butterfly came over and landed on my shoulder. That can only mean good things!!
And as we drove back home, we were met with a rainbow. It was an amazing experience, my butt and arms hurt from padding, my face hurts from laughing and smiling. I am both high on the experience and some how completely relaxed and rejuvenated.

On a more philosophical level there is something about being completely at the mercy of someone else with way more knowledge and experience than you and at the hands of something else bigger than you. I paddled and ducked and stopped when J told us too, and just went with the flow of the river. I think it is something about letting go and enjoying and taking in what comes at you.

Can't wait to go again.

My Soundtrack

2008-08-05T06:37:00.008-04:00

I'm going to steal a blogging idea from my friend at Stella and Thomas.. I know she won't mind. I have written about music on here before but some times I forget how important it is to me sometimes. Lyrics speak to me at different times, remind me of people or times in my life. Affect my mood, pull me from sadness, or let me linger in sadness when I need to. Or give me quotes to hang on to. The other thing is that for the most part I can listen to any type of music, depends on my mood, the environment and the company.

Two of my all time favorite quotes come from songs...

"A pocket is no place for a smile anyway"
-The Mountains Win Again by Blues Traveler

and

"You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You get what you need"
Rolling Stones

On my recent trip for work, I felt like someone had plugged my mp3 player into every place we went, so many songs we heard were from my mp3 player...

Some songs that have been a general theme in my life since I can remember... Dreams by Van Halen and Fool in the Rain by Zepplin. Perhaps it was the Blue Angels video and my desire to be fighter pilot or just that I think dreams are a pretty powerful thing, both the kind you have when you are sleeping and the ones you consciously create. And well Fool in the Rain because I love running, skipping, playing in the rain.

Right now, I'm enjoying a couple of songs fairly regularly- Summertime by Bon Jovi, because this has been an amazing summer and Find Yourself in You by Everlife and This is Me from Camp Rock- both because it has been an awesome summer of self discovery and growth!

I have a dear, dear friend who I equate Sara Bareilles song City with. If he knew, he would probably not be too pleased, simply because his taste in music is pretty particular- NIN, Tool, White Stripes. But he makes me feel safe, always does, at my lowest moments I just want to be near him, and I feel safe.

During the final months of the divorce my Mom gave me the This One's For the Girls Martina McBride CD. She had played at a funeral for a young woman who had died and left behind her 13 year old daughter. It was karma, I immediately felt like the cd had been made for me. Not a huge country fan, but She's a Butterfly spoke to me- the flying after the darkness of the divorce (no matter how smoothly a divorce goes, there is still monumental sadness, sorrow and grief).

I also really enjoy playing This One's for the Girls for Sunshine. It is powerful, letting her know that you are what you are and that's just fine! And like the woman who had In My Daughter's Eyes played for her daughter, it too describes how I feel about Sunshine. "The miracle God gave to me gives me strength when I am weak".

Two songs remind me of college... Whenever I See Your Smiling Face by James Taylor.. it was my song, my friend Vanice sang it to me one day, and after that, it was just my song, people would sing it to me all the time- and I loved it! And Jesse's Girl by Rick Springfield... I remember dancing on the tables to that song. It was all about the line.. "and she's watching him with those eyes!".

High school was a different story- that part of my life has a lot of Sinead O'Connor and Bon Jovi running through it, and to this day, I am still a big fan of the hair bands! Oh, and the whole The Wall Album and Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd. I had a friend commit suicide shortly after she graduated from high school, I remember sitting in my room at college and playing Comfortably Numb over and over again, she loved that song.

I have a friend who is a DJ and he says all the time, music is the spice of life, I tend to agree, or at least agree, that my life has a soundtrack playing all the time and it makes me smile!

10K-- CHECK!

2008-08-02T17:42:00.003-04:00

Today I ran a 10k. That's 6.2 miles, 6.24 miles to be exact!

It was fabulous. Seriously, it was awesome. I ran with 5800 other people. I ran my best splits ever, and I had energy to pass a woman in the last 2 tenths of a mile. I was paying so much attention to her, that I did get passed right at the finish, but I had enough left to make it a good sprint!

Even better, at the 5k mark, I was about 30 steps ahead of a local high school football team.. nothing like leaving a bunch of high schoolers behind. When it was all over, they passed me on the last hill into the finish, but they were only 90 seconds ahead of me, I do after all, have a few years on them, so I'll give it to them!

In the middle, Sunshine was waiting for me with a fresh bottle of water... I ran up to her and gave her a big kiss and took the water bottle, and ran away with tears in my eyes.

Besides the adrenaline from all the other runners and therefore someone to compete against, the crowd along the route is amazing!! They cheer you on, perfect strangers, read your name from the bib, shout way to go. It propels you! Right before entering the park where the race ends, someone was playing the Rocky theme... it got into my feet and I started passing people on the hill, I was Rocky on the steps in Philadelphia...

As we were waiting for the bus to bring us back to the car, a friend asked me, do you remember starting to run and trying to run 1 mile for the first time? and I said yup, it took me months to get there. And he asked, when did you start running again? And I said, just about a year ago, right after I volunteered at this race last year.

Recently, someone else asked me why I like running, I said, oh, I don't like running, but I do like how I feel after I run. Not a runners high, but a sign of accomplishment.

I will wear, with pride, my shirt from the race to work on Monday... if nothing else it may explain why I'm limping just a little bit! But I promise, I will still have a smile on my face!

The Tooth

2008-07-30T07:12:00.002-04:00

We like to call her Nanny McPhee... this tooth has been trying to come out for more than 5 months now, how it is still attached is a mystery.

For more wordless Wednesday see 5 Minutes for Mom and Wordless Wednesday

If you...

2008-07-29T06:50:00.002-04:00

Sunshine as of late has been trying this new technique on me...

"If you don't let me BLAH BLAH, then I'm going to hit you with this!"

As the conversation escalates she gets louder and louder reaching the decibel level she had as a baby when she was really upset about something- you know that cry that started with no sound at all, kind of like the warning shot across your bow- after that you knew glass could shatter!

Being the typical Mother, I am not perfect, and I do try my best, I try to make things positive- using the reward system, if you do this then we can do something fun. And I know there are times that I do say, if you don't do this, then you can't have XYZ.

But never, ever, never have I suggested that if she didn't do something that I was going to hit her. And the screaming, oh my, the screaming, I will not lie, I have yelled at Sunshine, but it is not common. Where on Earth is she getting this? And I ask you, will it stop?

Frankly it scares me- I dread getting a phone call that she has hit some other kid. I hope this is just a stage, a very very very short stage.

Any suggestions?

Wordless Wednesday

2008-07-23T19:33:00.003-04:00

Because I really want to see this movie...For more wordless Wednesday see 5 Minutes for Mom and Wordless Wednesday

IAG

2008-07-22T21:36:00.003-04:00

Last week I was away at a conference for work. It was a tremendous experience for me. I won't bore you with details, but it was good on the work level and the person level.

Our trip was a bit comical, I suspect even the best author's in Hollywood could not have come up with the different things that happened to us. But you know what, even in my lowest moments, I never lost my cool. I got quiet for a few minutes, or laughed uncontrollably, but I just kept right on keeping on.

I must have said it's all good 2-300 times last week. I am sure I can not put into words how I felt coming back, this new found me, calmer, less tense, less worried.. continuing to find more of that freedom I've been looking for.. you know as much reckless abandon as a single Mom with a full time job and a house and all that other adult responsibility can have.

For kicks, I gave up flour about 3 weeks ago, flour and sugar and caffeine. Please note, I am not a health food nut, I like to buy good food, preferably without too many preservatives, but I drink soda, and Sunshine has fruit snacks and we don't eat enough fruits or veggies.

In the back of my mind, I wonder, did my new found calmness have anything to do with the change in diet? My experience at the conference? A combination of the both?

Either way, I've been thinking about a new tattoo for some time.. toying with some sort of Ying and Yan.. but I think, I may change my mind and simply get IAG on my hand.. just a reminder... don't sweat the small stuff.. really.. it's all good.. it ain't no thang but a chicken wing..

The Basement

2008-07-12T11:20:00.003-04:00

I've been in this routine of waking up around 4 or 4:30 each morning and so I get out of bed. I do some stuff around the house quietly and then usually plop myself in front of the computer and surf or create World Peace, sort of depends on mood.

The other day, I'm sitting at the computer and I hear voices, my first thought is, oh, I forgot to turn my alarm off- the first alarm is a radio station, then comes the loud obnoxious beep if I don't wake up. So I get up, to turn it off not wanting it to wake Sunshine up. As I approach my room, I realize a. the noise is not coming from this direction and b. the alarm clock is off, so I start walking toward the living room, odd, but maybe the cats accidentally hit the remote. But nope, as I walk toward the living room the noise gets louder- it is women speaking and in true Doppler Effect the noise gets quieter... hmm...

So I walk back toward the office... wait... the basement? That is funny. So I open the door and turn on the light. I did mention that is 5 in the morning right? And I know what you are thinking- don't do it, don't do it.. people always get in trouble when they go into the basement in horror movies.

But what is a girl to do? I am the adult in the house? I have to protect Sunshine. Wait? Why isn't the dog barking? So I start looking for what large blunt object I should bring with me into the basement, I am not sure why I chose large blunt object and not sharp knife, but this is what I did.

I start looking, we don't have a baseball bat.. what about a broom? No, that's too thin... you know, if there is someone in the basement, he or she knows you are up now. Why isn't the dog barking? You know this is how bad things happen to people in horror movies. Ah.. I found something.. this will have to do.

And this, ladies in gentlemen, is what I chose as my weapon of choice to enter my basement...

Because really, what could be more frightening than a child's hobby horse? I don't know, maybe in my brain I was thinking the would-be-attacker would see my weapon and start laughing.

So I descend the stairs.. looking side to side.. please note, my basement is one big room, with the exception of movable partition that separates the oil tank from everything. Back and forth I look, hobby horse squarely in my hands ready to swing at whatever comes my way.

I step on the basement floor, I turn more lights on. Somewhere on my decent down the stairs I think, the cats must have turned the tv on by steeping on the remote, but as I hit the floor, I see the remote and it really isn't any place either cat could get to.

I turn, I move the partition with one hand so as to keep my weapon poised for attack.

Hmm... nothing. While I'm down here I guess I'll scoop the cat litter. So I place the hobby horse on the dryer and start to scoop the poop, and as I'm doing this I think, well if there is someone down here, I now I've a new weapon, I'll just throw dirty cat litter at them...

Seems Appropriate Some How...

2008-07-09T21:54:00.002-04:00

In contemplating joining the Wordless Wednesday mommy bloggers of the world, I started looking for pictures to post.. came across this from the Air Show last year.. seemed very appropriate based on my high school dream. But this wasn't a dream, came to fruition and I got to sit on a boat and watch the Blue Angels fly... by the way, maybe next week, I'll participate in Wordless Wednesday.. I did my 1 scary thing already today!

You Have Three Chance to Land..

2008-07-09T21:35:00.005-04:00

I've been trying to think of something funny to blog about, but frankly, I'm not feeling all that funny recently, so instead...

Along long time ago when I was in High School, I wanted to be a Navy Fighter Pilot. I know, who knew?? Me? But it is true, there was an allure for me, as I look back on it now, I think it was the idea that it was risky yet finite, as I used to say "You only have three chances to land" and then you are done, referring to the catch wires on the boat. Maybe it was just the Playing with the Boys volleyball seen from Top Gun, either way, I looked into going to the Naval Academy, and actually while in grad school applied for a job in Annapolis. Hmmm..

I ran into this kid who I had known a few years ago when he was still in High School, asked how he was doing, how school was going and he said good, but he was taking the semester and maybe the year off to go to Colorado. I said, you know, I don't regret anything I've done, if I had to do it all over again, would I have done it differently? Maybe? Maybe I would have not been so focused and driven on getting my education and finding a job, and taken more time to find myself earlier rather than later. Who knows, but I told him to have a blast.

So I've been pondering the Fighter Pilot desire, coupled with this intense ansiness, I am almost feeling like a caged animal, ready to pounce. Why did I stop wanting the 3 chances to land and when did I become so cautious?

And this week, I get a quote from a newsletter I get that and it simply says: "Do one thing everyday that scares you." Eleanor Roosevelt

So, I'm trying that out... one thing each day that scares me... and it is scary, but maybe in the process I'll rekindle that desire to only have 3 chances... wish me luck.

A Great Adventure

2008-07-05T09:53:00.004-04:00

Sunshine and I drove to The Great Escape. I had been here as a kid, so it was very interesting to see how things have changed in the last few (several) years.

Many of the rides I remember as a kid where still there, and there were lots and lots of new ones. It was also interesting to compare last year at this time- we were in Florida and spending a couple days at the Disney parks. All things considered, this was a much better adventure, we weren't too hot to spend the whole day at the park, the price was less, and the lines were much more manageable. Sunshine really wants to go back, so maybe we'll go again this Summer.

It was also interesting to see the dichotomy of Sunshine, she LOVED the Bobsled ride,

which was an adult roller coaster, but also had a blast on Wile-E-Coyote's kid's roller coaster.

All and all...
A whole heck of a lot of driving
$66 in tickets
$50 in gas
Lots of smiles like this..

PRICELESS!

A Few Random Thoughts from Our Travels

2008-07-03T19:05:00.002-04:00

More on the travels later, but some random thoughts for now...

* Why are amusement park maps so hard to read? I get lost, every time, how can that be?
* When did it become okay to grab your girlfriend's bottom in public. Wait, let me clarify, to actually put your hand up a woman's mini-skirt and feel around (I am presuming the woman was a significant other, if not, there is a bigger question!).
* What is different about being in an amusement park that we can leave a stroller or a bag with our belongings in it at the end of a ride and not worry about it being taken? Why doesn't that concept work in other parts of the world?

One Green Stripe

2008-06-30T09:03:00.004-04:00

Sunshine had her latest belt test. She did awesome. This time, because the class is so small, much of the testing was individual.

Here is a video and a couple photos.

Rain.. Rain.. Rain...

2008-06-29T11:44:00.003-04:00

I love the rain. Most rain that is, I don't like the chill you to your bones rain. But other than that, sign me up. Where I grew up we had thunderstorms all the time. Where I live now, we don't get the kind of storms I had as a kid.

When I was in college, one summer I lived in this house and if you laid in my bed you could look out the window into the valley, I would sit there and watch the storms coming up out of the valley, as violent as thunderstorms can be, they bring me some sort of internal peace. I think my love of thunderstorms is one of the reasons I majored in geography.

I like running in the rain, and for the most part don't let it stop me from doing what I'm doing. I think it is interesting as I start my vacation that I have gone for a run in the rain, watched a baseball game in the rain and mowed the lawn in the rain. Not to be too metaphysical, but it is almost like creating a clean slate... the bonus that most of this has been accompanied by small thunderstorms is just sort of ice on the cake for me.

175 Days

2008-06-18T21:18:00.003-04:00

Can someone tell me how this happens in 175 days?

S&TC OD?

2008-06-15T16:05:00.003-04:00

I have watched 4 seasons of Sex and the City in the last month or so, usually in lump sittings of 4 or 6 episodes.

Now, being a champion over thinker since way back, it has me thinking about love and life and the decisions we make. And today, I have spent much of the day pondering my relationships-- friendships, loves, work relationship you name it. As I watch the women of S&TC go through their relationships, I can not help but wonder about my own failed relationships. In the grand scheme of things, I am sure that my successful relationship are greater than my failed relationships, but it is, as always, easy to look at what I did wrong (over thinker champion and contender for champion self beater upper as well).

Of course this all as I'm reaching the time I need to make that decision I was eluding to and trying to make those decisions with my heart and not my head. And trying hard not to over analyze my failed relationships using my heart and not my head (can you even do that?). And wondering, if the decision will break your hear t, even if it feels right in your heart, can your heart still make the decision?

And you know what? I get back from a long walk in the rain with the dog (one of my favorite things to do, run in the rain) and I have 2 email messages for 2 wonderful people in my life and I think... so really about those failed relationships? Is there really a need to dwell on them?

The Water Bowl

2008-06-10T18:49:00.002-04:00

We have 2 water bowls in our house for the cats and dog. They are always in the same place, they don't move, when I pick them up to clean and fill them, I put them back in the same place.

So tell me why I have tripped over one of the water bowls 3 days in a row, usually at the most inopportune times like when we are trying to get out of the house or I'm cooking dinner, because of course it turns into cleaning up the spilled water and everyone wants to help with that, animals and humans alike.

It is times like these that I say to myself, you are supposed to be getting something, this is some sort of sign to make sure you are paying attention...

Well, I'm paying attention, but I think I'm still missing it...

Geocaching

2008-06-07T21:55:00.003-04:00

A couple of weeks ago I thought I'd take Sunshine Geocaching. Sunshine has promptly changed the term to Geohunting. All you need really is a handheld GPS unit. You upload some waypoints from geocaching.com and then you go seek them out.

We had so much fine, it involves being outside and in some cases a short walk and others a hike, if you choose. With the GPS you usually only get within a few feet of the cache, and then you have to start looking for something that doesn't look natural, or branches or rocks placed just so, like you know a human had something to do with it.

It has been a lot of fun..

Please note the purse is not a requirement, but in our household Sunshine dresses up for everything!

Again with the Coincidences

2008-06-05T05:54:00.003-04:00

I've been struggling with a decision in my life.

Let me back up- ever take a Myers-Briggs test? I score 1 point away any time I take it between the thinking and feeling portion. What that means for me is that often times my head and my heart are in constant conflict about what to do in a situation. Being a champion over thinker from way back this can make for the perfect storm of decisions and replaying events.

But, as I have been ponder what to do, yesterday I rediscovered a wonderful quote a dear friend used to use all the time: "Make major decisions with your heart and minor decisions with your head".

I wonder why it is I often forget that one.. probably because my head would be in charge of remembering such things, and really, that quote takes away much of it's power.

Prompted by the quote, I was able to ask a friend I thought would be really honest with me, their opinion and they gave me a good swift kick in the pants which actually jostled me away from my head and put we squarely in my heart...

I'm going to hold the decision in my heart for a bit and see if I feel settled with it (right now I pretty much do).

Not to be so cryptic, but if I do make the decision that is currently in my heart, I'll fill you in.

Random Thoughts

2008-05-29T20:49:00.005-04:00

I've had all these half blogs start in my head over the last few day. Concepts that are crossing my radar frequently like the living in the moment concept, still working on that one, probably will for sometime.

First a funny story, or a life lesson from me to you... yesterday I took off for my longest run, 5.2 miles, which I did and I was pleased with my accomplishment. Being cautious I brought my cell phone along, no pockets? No problem, I'll just stick this in my sports bra. My friends... sweat and cell phones don't mix, listen to me, don't do it, don't do it!

Random thought 1. My friends have encouraged me to start watching Sex in the City, so I have been renting the seasons at the library. I look at the four women and see myself in each of them, and see friends of mine in each of them. I actually really liked the last episode of Season Two where Carrie decides there are 2 types of woman, complicated and not complicated... I think I need to rent The Way We Were, I've never seen it.

Random thought 2. Change and I don't mean coins- everyone deals with it differently, but rarely is it a smooth transition. Positive or negative reaction, there is always some turmoil with that.

Random thought 3. Poop. I find it increasingly funny how sanitary we make our society, and I am no different, but with 2 cats, a dog and a small child (who has been successfully potty trained for years) I stopped to think the other day how much poop I must have scooped or wrapped in a diaper in my life. Wow!

Random thought 4. The dichotomy of life. There is sadness in the news, several famous actors passing on, there have been a couple incidents of violent crime in area, the economy. I have friends and family members who are dealing with aging parents, and cancer diagnosis. And then there is happiness, friends are having weddings and babies and are graduating and moving onto the next chapter of their lives. The balance is good, but I find it hard to focus equally on the sadness and the happiness. Why is that? Are we drawn to the sadness? Can we be happy for other people or is that a hard thing for us to do?

Random thought 5. Being magnanimous. When you are magnanimous, when you are open and accepting of people who you don't respect or who don't respect you, what does that person think? How funny! she doesn't get that I think she is a moron? Or do they get they you are being magnanimous?

Field Trip

2008-05-25T21:24:00.001-04:00

I got the opportunity to accompany Sunshine and her class on a field trip to a explore a beach.. it was wonderful... we frolicked in the water, climbed on the rocks and searched for shells, and rocks and animals. It was the absolute thing that I needed in my life, to attack the world with out a care in the world and take in everything in the moment. I didn't worry about work, I didn't worry about anything, I just lived in the moment, I remembered what it was like the last day of seventh grade...

Still after all these years, I love when coincidences like that happen- having the discussion about living in the moment and days later being given the opportunity to do that. Glad I got to experience both...

Just Plain Rude

2008-05-25T08:20:00.002-04:00

You'd think that since I leave birdseed for the birds they could hold "it" until they have passed over my car instead of using my car for what looks like target practice... clearly they have not heard.. don't poop on the hand that feeds you!

Woof

2008-05-21T07:27:00.004-04:00

Seventh Grade

2008-05-18T20:48:00.003-04:00

Yesterday a good friend asked if I remembered what it was like the day I "graduated" from 7th grade knowing the next day I really had nothing I had to do and if I could get to that point again. I didn't really have an answer at the time, because I thought well there is no way that I could get there, I have a child to take care of, animals to take care of, bills to pay, you know adult responsibilities.

But today I started thinking about it more, and then I remembered a few times I have actually said I wish I was back in Kindergarten playing in the sandbox, when all I had to worry about was someone taking my pail and shovel.

Not really what my friend was going for, he was approaching it more from the standpoint of living life to the fullest, living in the moment. Where my Kindergarten scenario is similar but not about living life to the fullest, more about not having so much adult responsibility.

It is an interesting conundrum, when you think about it; finding that balance of being a good parent, a good friend, a good card carrying adult human being, and yet living life to it's fullest. Remembering to take care of your children, pay your bills on time, and go to work, and living in the moment.

Definitely something that is going to bounce around in my head for awhile. What about you? How do you find that sweet spot of being a responsible adult and living in the moment?

Commute Another Way

2008-05-16T06:40:00.002-04:00

Here every year there is a state wide challenge to commute another way for a week. The goal is to make people aware of their options for getting to and from work and this year a big emphasis on saving on gas.

Where I work we have a large contingent of people who bike into work, this year we actually had to get a another bike rack to hold all the bikes. Although I can't bike in every day, I bike a few times a month. My big reason for not biking every day is the Day Care Dash... you know it... you love it... you are driving to day care or after school care and you watch as the minutes some how tick away faster and faster... approaching that witching hour of 5:30 when it will cost you $25 a second that you are late to pick up your child.

It seems to me that there are people who's sole purpose in life is to slow down and generally get in the way of the Day Care Dashers. You know who I mean, the random people who must go 30 mph on a major highway between 5 and 5:30. The construction team who was supposed to be done by 4 but still has half the road blocked off at 5:15.. tick tick tick tick... cha-ching cha-ching cha-ching.

I can feel my blood pressure rising just reliving those moments now at 6:40 in the morning.

But I digresses... it is nearly impossible for me to leave work and do the Day Care Dash home on a bike, even though I do have a tag a long for Sunshine to ride on, alas, timing is everything.

A few months ago I challenged myself to run into work one of the days of commute another way to work week. Yesterday I woke up and said, nah, don't do it, and then I gave myself a good talking to and said, you said you would do this get up and get going! And so I did, and I ran all the way to work. It was my longest distance to date, I ran the whole way AND I felt awesome all day. No I didn't run home... that would really have been a Day Care Dash and I would have lost miserably... a friend dropped me off at my house after work so I could pick up my car to dash to day care...

Mother's Day

2008-05-11T20:47:00.004-04:00

First, Happy Mother's Day to all you Mom's out there.

Second, I had a fantastic Mother's Day! It started out with a 5k run, a local Mother's Day Event, this year there were something like 2200 runners. This is the largest race I have been in, and it was amazing to see the stream of people in front of me and imagine the stream behind me.

It was a beautiful day and I felt like I ran a really good race, I set my sights on someone ahead of me and would aim to catch them there were two woman who I played dose do with most of the race, my in front and then them and visa versa, but in the end, I finished a few seconds before both of them, which was great, but it was also great to have that challenge to pull on my competitive side.In this picture I am just crossing the line, you can see me to the left of the woman in yellow.

Sunshine (with my Aunt and Uncle) were at the end to greet me, which was awesome.

Later in the afternoon we had a barbecue at my house on my brand new barbecue grill (which we bought in our travels yesterday) and exchanged presents, which was part of our busy day yesterday. We bought some ceramic pots and painted them for my Mom and my Aunt and planted them with flowers for today.... all in all a fantastic day to be a Mom! And Sunshine gave me a certificate for 200 kisses! How lucky am I??

Gymnist Sunshine

2008-05-10T17:35:00.007-04:00

oday was an incredibly busy day, more on that later, but today was also the last class of Sunshine's gymnastics class until the fall. This is the day we get to watch, and it always amazes me to see how much she learns in the session.

The big news is the pull up to the high bar...

And the balance beam

And floor exercises...

She is a monkey! And loves it!

Crazy Eight

2008-05-07T18:26:00.005-04:00

Amy over at Stella and Thomas asked me to participate in this game of Crazy Eights by sharing eight unusual or little known facts about myself. I sort of feel like I'm an open book, so these may not be surprising to many people, but here I go.

1. I have an incredible memory, generally if you tell me something I never forgot it. This is both a blessing and a curse.

2. I can back up a truck with a trailer attached. When I was learning to drive my Uncle forced me to learn this ability, at the time I thought, yeah, whatever! It has however, come in very handy, you would surprised how many people don't have that skill.

3. Speaking of memory, I can still recite the Greek Alphabet 3 times fast.

4. I believe in angels, and see a psychic a couple times a year and believe that I have been around this world a few different lifetimes. I have little factual evidence to support this, but I've read a lot about it and I think there is a lot to it, and I believe.

5. I hate horror movies but I watch them, because I have a friend who loves them. I don't like to be scared, and to this day, if I am walking at night near woods I have flashbacks to the Blair Witch Project and start to run.

6. I love to run and dance in a warm rain storm. Nothing much more to be said on that one, I love them!

7. I am a home body. I like visiting different places for short periods of time, but like coming back home as much, if not more than I do visiting new places.

8. My two favorite words are ubiquitous and omnipotent.

Okay so now I must tag 8 people, but I don't know 8 people in the blogging world, so I will tag the 2 I do know.

Sketchometer
A Dog's Life

It's 4 am... Let's Play

2008-05-03T07:58:00.002-04:00

I have to imagine that around 4 am in my house a scene that goes something like this....

Some internal clock in the brains of the animals in my house goes off, it is 4am and we must now be on alert, we must sit quietly until we see the slightest movement from the human that gives us food.. when her eyes blink during REM.. we must bounce, if she so much as moves a foot, we are there and so, this morning somewhere around 4:45 I must have moved a toe because...

Jack the dog, asleep at my side wakes up and moves to the foot of the bed to look at the window to keep watch for general traffic and any passerby, barking ominously to scare them away from the house.

Wiley the cat who usually sleeps on the floor, wakes up and feels the urge to dance on the night table next to my bed, which inevitably causes one or more items to fall crashing to the floor (generally the alarm clock or cell phone- which in the dead of night make a rather loud boom). Once satisfied that he has cleared the night table of all dangerous and potentially useful objects he jumps full force on to my chest and proceeds to nudge me in the face, when I push him away he is content to find a spot to sleep on my legs.

Mae Mae who has either been asleep next to my head or at the top of my head sees Wiley and decides that he is way too close to me and most intervene. So she proceeds to smack him in the face and hiss and then as he moves to sleep on my legs, she plants herself squarely on my chest.

At this point, there is no turning back, I'm awake, and that means I must have to get up and use the little girls room. As I grumpily get out of bed, I say.. it is 5 am, what is wrong with you? Why can't you just let me sleep?

They of course don't answer, but like all good animals follow me into the bathroom to make sure I'm okay, adding insult to injury... oh look, she is awake, she is moving, let's go!

I try with no success to crawl back into bed and go to sleep, but they are up, Wiley is dancing on the night table, MaeMae is sitting on my chest wagging her tail in my face and Jack has found his raw hide and thinks 5:30 am is a really good time for a rawhide.

Don't they know it is Saturday and that I can sleep until like 7??? It isn't like it is even sunny out.

Would it be really awful of me to wake up at like 3 am tomorrow and turn all the lights on and throw the cat toys and take Jack for a long walk? With my luck they'd come to expect that behavior every day!

Where Do I Come From... a Momma Lesson

2008-04-30T20:59:00.003-04:00

Several years ago when Sunshine was around 3 she asked me where she came from. Now, I've known since before she was born that there would come a time when I would have to have the birds and the bees talk, but I was not at all prepared for this conversation at 3.

I took a deep breath and I said.. "from Mommy's tummy".

"No, no I didn't"

"Yes, you came from Mommy's tummy, I came from Grandma's tummy".

"But Susie (a child at her day care who was adopted) didn't come from her Mom's tummy"

Dear Lord.. help me!!

"No, you are right, she came from another Mommy's tummy, but that Mommy couldn't take care of her, so gave her to a Mommy who could take care of her".

"So where did I come from?"

The next 35 minutes are a blur to me, but if I was able to play it back, I suspect it was the above repeatedly about 200 times.

Finally, I said, I don't know what you mean? You came from Mommy's tummy.

And Sunshine said... "No, no, no... Amal (another little boy who was adopted in her class) came from India, where did I come from ?"

"Oh, you came from Maine."

"Oh, okay."

At this point I believe I melted into a pile of liquid on the floor... but what I learned was that the simplest answer is probably the one... to take away all the adult mumbojumbo and just answer the question.

Weekend Fun

2008-04-27T22:23:00.003-04:00

It seems as summer approaches weekends get fuller and shorter (or is it more full and shorter?), these last 2 weekends have been wonderful and I am hoping a sign of the fun times ahead this summer.

Sunshine was with her Dad for this vacation week, those weeks are always hard for me, they don't get easier, I think I'm just more prepared for them.

I was pretty busy with work and also made plans with friends to see movies and have dinner.

As a brief aside, I have a fantastic group of friends, during the divorce they were amazingly supportive of me, listening to me complain and be negative and sometimes just letting me be near them so I didn't feel quite so alone. I've told them lots of times how much I appreciate them, but I know that words will never quite express what their support meant.

But now, they get the fun, less negative me!! So as I said movies and dinner and this weekend I went Disc Golfing for the first time, some say Frisbee golf.. to-may-to, to-ma-to. It was a blast, low key and just hanging out. Definitely something I will try to do again and when Sunshine is older take her, or find a miniature Frisbee golf course (do they make those?)

And I also ran my 2nd 5k race this weekend. My time was not what I would have liked, a bit slower than the last 5k race I ran, but I didn't walk any of it and I passed people on the hills, so, I'm counting it as a positive experience. I'm hoping as I run more of these I'll be less tense and nervous beforehand- I can go out and run a 5k on my own just to run, but if there is some word like "race" associated with it I get all freaked out, believe me I'm not going to win anything, but it still freaks me out.

SPRING!!!

2008-04-19T19:53:00.004-04:00

The last few days have been the most amazing weather, clear blue sky and in the 60s. After the long winter we've had, I can not ask for more. Last night when walking the dog, I looked up, clear starlit sky and an almost full moon.

Today has been a busy day. After gymnastics, Sunshine and I took off to pick up the trail-a-bike I had found through a local network. She was soooo excited.

We got home and hooked it up to my bike and off we went for a bike ride. It was so much fun, it took a little getting used to the weight distribution, but I could totally tell when she was peddling especially when we were going up hill.

We came home and ran some errands and went back out for another ride, of course stopping for ice cream on the trip.

I was happy to take a shower as I smelled from my run while Sunshine was at gymnastics, but it was a wonderful day, fresh air, outdoor exercise and fantastic Sunshine and Momma time.

Edit- I forgot the part about Sunshine saying how exciting the whole experience was, how she couldn't wait to tell her friends. And how scared she was to go down a hill, and I said, just hold on, we'll be okay and half way down she said this is awesome! I have to imagine that the people in town were laughing at us as we road by both of us with big grins on our faces.

Fetch! and a PC

2008-04-18T21:21:00.002-04:00

I don't remember how are when we stumbled across Fetch! with Ruff Ruffman. But I recommend it whole heartedly!

I should probably step back and start closer to the beginning rather than in the middle of the story...

My friends started making MythTV boxes. Think home grown TiVo built on Linux. Now, I'm not a huge watcher of TV, frankly I just don't have the time, but I do have a handful of shows that I like to watch, for a long time I was a huge West Wing and ER fan. And I would diligently put my vcr tape in the vcr every Wednesday and Thursday morning before work so that I could tape that weeks episode of West Wing and ER. At the time we lived in an area that lost power all the time, so often the VCR would loose time and well.. no ER, no West Wing.

Along comes MythTV. One of my favoritest things. I set it to record shows, either weekly or whenever they are on or what have you. For example over about a 2 month period I recorded and watched all of the Will and Grace episodes. I'm working my way through Seinfeld right now, and have a handful of shows I watch like Lost, How I Met Your Mother, Saving Grace, Dirt (yes I understand that the themes vary widely in that list), but I don't have to watch them each week, I can store a few weeks up and if I have the time sit in front of the tv for a few hours and watch a couple of episodes... without commercials!

Along with my shows I also keep on hand several episodes of Sunshine's favorites- Hannah Montana, Drake and Josh and Fetch! with Ruff Ruffman. Fetch! is on PBS and it is basically a reality game show for kids, set in Boston the kids do scientific challenges and earn points. Some examples- a scale model of the solar system in Boston, visiting Plimouth Plantation, following the Freedom Trail, learning how to wake board, building a go kart. For the past week Sunshine has only been running through the 31 episodes of Fetch! we have on the Myth box. I love it, I enjoy watching it, I enjoy watching the kids learning new things and I like that Sunshine likes it.. if it is on a PBS station near you- you should watch it too!

In other very exciting news.. I bought a new computer. The one I had was probably 10 years old, Sunshine's Dad and I had it built and then added and upgraded it, but it was old and slow and well, driving me crazy. So the same folks who brought me MythTV, turned me on to Geeks.com where I found a great deal. Now, I'm lucky enough because we built the last machine that I had a lot of the software, so getting a barebones machine worked for me... that and that another friend took Vista off of it, and installed XP for me (again because I had the software already). It is a smokin' machine and I am amazed at how fast things are... technology is a grand grand thing.

Yellow Belt

2008-04-17T18:37:00.004-04:00

Seems everyone is a bit behind on the school year, and much to everyone's surprise, today ended up being belt test day as there is no school next week.

And Sunshine did awesome, she nailed the first form of Chon-Ji and was promoted to yellow belt.

Thank goodness for cell phone cameras.

The Planetarium

2008-04-13T21:02:00.003-04:00

Today was a busy day, besides normal Sunday stuff like grocery shopping, Sunshine had a birthday party to attend and then we met my Aunt and Uncle to go to the planetarium.

It has been ages since I've been to a planetarium, and frankly I didn't realize there was one so close to our house that had regular programs. It was awesome, and sitting next to Sunshine listening to her gasp as things were pointed out in the sky, the Milky Way and then Northern Lights, was wonderful.

This presentation was about Greek Mythology and the stars and how different Greek Mythological creatures ended up in the sky and how they are related to other creatures/constellations in the sky. Brought back my mythology classes from high school, the Greek I learned during pledging and introduced a bunch of new stuff.

I can't wait to go back! So tremendously cool!

Off Kilter

2008-04-13T15:27:00.003-04:00

I have had the oddest week. It wasn't a bad week, it just sort of seemed like my world was tilted a little bit. Little things, I push the Diet Coke button on the vending machine, I get Diet Pepsi. I still got caffeine, just not my favorite kind.

Today in the grocery store checking out, the cashier and I both got really confused, about what, I have no idea, but at one point we looked at each other and were like is that it? Had I given him the money? Had he given me my receipt, it was comical.

My favorite jeans have a hole in them. In all honesty, these jeans are probably 6 to 8 years old, so the fact that they have a hole should really not be a surprise to me, especially since I wear them at least once a week in the winter and probably once every two weeks in the summer, that's a lot of wear for a pair of jeans.

We've had this small crisis up here with credit card information being accessed at a local grocery store chain, so doing as I was instructed I contacted all my financial institutions, they assured me everything was fine, just keep checking. And then a week later, I get a notice my card(s) have been canceled, they'll send me a new one. Okay, but I can't log into my online account because the card doesn't exist, so I can't pay the payment, so I call to make a payment- because I don't get the bills in the mail anymore, so I don't have an envelope. Fine and dandy, make the payment, but on the phone I have to pay this extra fee, so I call and say I don't want to pay the fee, and they were very cool about it, once they realized I wasn't angry, I wasn't, glad they canceled it, if they had concerns.

Every morning I drop Sunshine off to get the bus and I bring a biscuit for the dog, at least 2 times this week I forgot the biscuit for the dog. I think in the last year and a half I've forgotten the biscuit maybe 3 times total.

I got a book from a favorite author, read 2 chapters and can't stand it, luckily I had gotten a 2nd book by an entirely different author, picked it up, loved it.

I haven't slept all that well, and it isn't like I'm thinking about stuff (roof brain chatter), I just wake up. I've always been about not sleeping because I can't shut my mind off, not just because, well, I wake up.

And I have little to no desire to run. I have been walking and doing a lot of stretching exercises, but just don't want to run, which isn't all that good since I have a 5k in a couple of weeks. But its not like I'm just sitting around doing nothing.

So, really, nothing bad, just seems like my world is a little off kilter, perhaps it will be righted soon. I do hope it is.

Who Me???

2008-04-12T18:39:00.000-04:00

What Shannon Means

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.

You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.

You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.

Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.

Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.

You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.

You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.

You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.

At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Monkies, Leaves and Bikes... oh my?

2008-04-08T18:29:00.004-04:00

One of the people I work with has a favorite saying, I will clean it up for the purposes of this blog, but when he sees things that look a little awkward he says, it is like a monkey trying to copulate with a football (put the F word in place of copulate and there you have it). The imagery that statement invokes is pretty powerful.. and why do I share it with you? Having never actually seen a monkey performing the above act, I believe, I myself, may have replicated something similar... you see for a long time I had a hard time getting Sunshine to sleep in her own bed, but.. Santa being the great guy that he is brought Sunshine a play tent with Ariel on it.

Sunshine now sleeps on a mattress that sits inside this large play tent... Sunshine sleeps in her own bed. Bless you Santa, bless you!. But you see, making a bed in a tent on the floor... well, I think it has to look, to the casual observer, a bit like a monkey trying to copulate with a football, or at least that is what I feel like!

Very quickly switching gears on you...

Having started my blog in December, you have not had the pleasure of listening to me complain about the leaves that beseech my house every year. Usually, I get them all raked, it takes me about 8 to 10 hours, over several weekend, but with the early snow this year, I did not get my back or side yard completed. And so, as the snow has begun to melt, what I knew lay beneath is now rearing it's ugly head, and alas, I am saddened by the prospect of raking wet leaves.

and again.. shift gears..

But snow is melting and that means Spring is springing.. FINALLY, and so today Sunshine went for a bike ride. She is still mastering riding without training wheels but got it a few times until she realized she was doing it and then she lost her balance, a few more afternoons like today and she'll be a pro... "they" say it is supposed to be 60 tomorrow.. I'm painting my toe nails and taking my sandals out!

LA in a Major Boomwacker Scale

2008-04-03T22:37:00.008-04:00

For the past several weeks Sunshine has been talking about her upcoming concert at school. She brought home the lyrics to Sing Sing a Song to study, and she's been telling me about a Beauty Song, but most importantly she kept telling me that she was LA in the Boomwacker Major scale.

Today I needed to meet with someone at work and he said he was free at 5 could I meet him then, and I said, no, Sunshine is LA in the Boomwacker Major scale, the looks around the table were priceless....

as was the concert tonight.

(note the different colored tubes in each of the kids hands, they are the boomwackers, sound determined by the size of the boomwacker)

Start from the right of the photo.. Do Ra Me Fa So La Ti Do Do Ti La So Fa Me Ra Do

All the classes did a fabulous job, and the music teacher did a wonderful job of making each class have their own special thing to do. We also got to see some of the student's art work. It was a wonderful night.. and Sunshine did fabulously as LA.

After the major scale the whole class sang a song called Downtown and used Boomwackers during the dance.

In other news, today during Tae Kwon Do, they practiced sparing using flags on their belts. I got there too late to see the first match Sunshine participated in, which she lost, but I did see the 2nd one, where she kicked some butt, and won. After their spar, the instructed indicated that she and her partner had done a great job, they got right in there and went for the flags, they weren't afraid to go for it... Go Sunshine!

Easter

2008-04-02T21:31:00.004-04:00

So over a week late, but a quick recap of the Easter Bunny's stop at our house a few weeks back.

Sunshine and I decorated 28 eggs, we used tie dye and sparkly dye this year, it was kind of interesting how they turned out.

The Easter Bunny left this wonderful bunk bed for Sunshine's American Girl dolls... I heard through the grapevine that he/she stained and polyed it himself.

Sunshine with her new American Girl Doll- Emily and the American Girl doll she got a year ago when we went to NYC- Molly.

It was, a wonderful day... as Sunshine said, if I get Emily- I will be out of this world!

The Excellent Adventures of Momma and Granmmy

2008-03-31T14:37:00.003-04:00

The last 55 hours have been... well.. how about I let you decide what adjective to use.

Friday plan to leave for an 8 hour drive to help my elderly Aunt pack up the house she has lived in for over 30 years to move into an assisted living facility.

Arranged to borrow a truck from a friend- think a cute little 2 seater with a jump seat.. strike that.. think a small burley manly truck used mostly for farm chores.

Laughter was, the only thing that got us through.. one of my favorites was my mother accusing me of going 175 miles an hour and that it made her nervous. I assured her that I was only comfortable at about 125 mph, and that frankly I thought after about 100, the doors would fall off.

Being a farm truck, well, the truck doesn't have all the amenities one might hope for, I was perfectly happy, but it seems my Mother's seat belt stuck in 2 positions only- tight and even tighter. I kept insisting it was user error, and that she was making it tight, and she kept insisting this could not possibly be the case, and at one point could not reach down to grab her purse to pay for the toll without undoing the seat belt. I think my laughter including tears are her predicament was not what she was looking for when she asked for help, but I thought I was being a great help!

In packing, my Aunt has some odd, odd stuff, some of it pretty cool, some of it down right scary, I threw out a can of Cream of Shrimp Soup that expired in 1993. We found a little figurine that looks something like what would happen if Precious Moments baseball player figurine mated with Chucky.

Then of course there was the 5 am stop at Walmart to get rope to tie down the tarp for the return trip home as after a glorious 50 degree it started to rain cats and dogs and sailors and midgets. Now, at 5 am, I am guessing rope isn't one of the things people usually go to Walmart for, at least that is my guess based on the looks I got (for future reference- rope is in the automotive section, not the hardware section). To make matters worse, I had to go back in and ask them to cut the little ropes off that were holding the big ropes together. Yes, I have ropes to tie someone up, but no sharp or blunt objects- I am a menace to society!

The dog? How did he do? He was wonderful, always near my side, never letting me out of his sight, sleeping on the air mattress with me (which I don't recommend.. a twin air mattress.. a dog and me) how we both didn't end up on the floor is a miracle. But this morning when I took him out to go to the bathroom, I brought a load of stuff out to the truck... after relieving himself, he jumped into the car and would not budge until we drove out the drive way on our way back home.

The adventure has ended, we survived, we laughed and my Aunt is packed and ready to move... now I just need some sleep...