No Finish Line

"My journey began in July of 2007 when I volunteered at a water stop for the Beach to Beacon. I would not call myself a couch potato, although I am sure others would, but I have been overweight my whole life, as long as I can remember. As I stood and watched the people running and walking the Beach to Beacon, I thought- you know what? I can do this, and I set my sights on running it the next year. I ran my first 5k race that December running in the Jingle Bell Run. At that time I weighed over 250 lbs, since then I have lost more than 60 lbs. I did run the Beach to Beacon in July of 2008, and have run it one other time. 

 Since that day in July 2007, I have now completed 4 half marathons and countless other races including just completing my 4th LL Bean July 4th 10k- with my best time ever, and not only that I actually fit into women's fitted XL running shirt- something I could barely believe! In May I completed my first Sprint Triathlon and have 2 more planned for this year, including an Olympic Distance Triathlon in September.

 

My journey has had its ups and downs. After my first half marathon, I didn't run for almost 2 months, I wanted nothing to do with running- I had driven so hard for the goal of running those 13.1 miles, that putting on my sneakers after was just an awful thought for me. So I started to change up my routine, I started swimming, and started taking Tae Kwon Do, where I've earned my red belt and am now working toward my black belt. 

And I eventually got back to running and set different goals- increasing speed and doing different events. And with each of the events, with each of the races I finished, I gained confidence. I started doing things I had never imagined doing.. like taking Tae Kwon Do, and competing in fighting competitions. I also started running with other people- for the longest time I would only train by myself because I didn't want to run with anyone else for fear I would slow them down or they would think my breathing was funny, or some other crazy excuse- now I run with people of all different speeds for training- some who run my speed, some I need to run slower so they can run at their pace, and even some that run much faster than me and push me to the point of almost throwing up.. And then there is that whole wearing a wet suit in front of other people- what fat person does that!?!? And that's just it- I'm not that fat person anymore.. I'm a better version of me.

 

I think the thing that surprises me most, is when I run into people in town and they say things like- you're that woman I see running all the time, or when stopping in the local market in town someone says- you inspire me- how did you do it, how did you lose the weight? And I say- I started running. And when they say to me, which they often say, I can't run, I have bad knees- I say that's okay- just start moving- find the thing you love to do, and just do that- and the rest will come. After those moments I think to myself- wow- that's not what this was all about- never has been.. it was about me- setting a goal, about getting healthier, about changing my life and making sure I was around for my daughter, I never meant to inspire anyone,

So what's next? Well this year is the year of the triathlon.. but next year.. next year I've committed to running the Marine Corp Marathon.. 2013 with be the year of the Marathon... "

2011 By The Numbers

Miles Run: 513.7
Hours spent running, biking, swimming, Tae Kwon Do or working out in general: 247:05:28
Races Run: 20
Tae Kwon Do Tournament Competed in: 8

Looking forward to 2012's numbers.

A Letter to Me At 40

Dear Me-

First, I'll be honest and say that I started this letter to you about 2 months before the big day. This letter is much harder to write than the letter I wrote to Sunshine.

The most important thing for you to know is that you are so much happier and better than you have ever been. I talk to people who are our age and they all say that as we age we stop sweating the small stuff. I know I definitely see you having much less time for the people and things in your life that annoy you or drain you. And that's a good thing.

You aren't always good at it, but I see you taking and making more time for yourself. And that's pretty amazing for someone who has spent the majority of her life taking care of everyone but herself.

You know you'll always be a champion over thinker, but what you over think about is changing, you don't rethink whole conversations and wonder what the people think of you after that, you have reached the point where you, more times than not, simply say-- this is me, take me or leave me, and you realize you really only need the people who take you, and the rest can just go on their merry way.

Your competitive nature has come out in spades this year, you have competed in several karate tournaments. And run several races. Taken over 2 minutes off your average per mile time, and have about 20 miles left to run this year to reach 500 running miles. And somewhere in all that training, you got it into your brain that you wanted to run a sub 10 minute mile. As I write this- you are close- so very very close.. 10:06 minute miles over 3.6 miles- and that first mile on that run, was sub 10... but being as competitive as you are- you want all 3.6 to be sub-10. You'll get there- you are so close and you've got good people on your side encouraging and helping along the way, even if it means you throw up during the process.

You also, have worked incredibly hard, accidentally, at loosing weight and overall getting in shape. You now weigh less than you did in high school and you look freakin' amazing. The other day you were folding clothes and for the first time you held up a pair of Sunshine's pants and thought for one second- wait are those mine or hers.

You've been dreading this day for the last month or two, something crazy about being 40 and 40 being so old.. I think you are wrong, 40 seems like a big number but it isn't. I'm pretty sure that 40 is a gateway, a right of passage to so much more and exciting things in life. And you are so wonderfully prepared for that.. you are very ready for this next chapter of your life.. so grab it by the tail and enjoy the ride!

What A Difference 5 Years Makes

2007- First 5k- 38:48

2011- 5k 32:05

Ten

Dear Sunshine-

Every year I am more and more surprised by how old you are. It is cliche' but it really and truly seems like only a week ago that I brought you home in your little John Lennon outfit, and as exhausted and sore as I was, I just sat and stared at you in your little bassinet.

In the last 12 months you have grown in ways that are awesome to watch. One big one is that you grew 2 inches in about 6 weeks, you were very excited about that. Now when I look at you, you appear to be made up of about 75% legs.

You started to play basketball. And in my humble opinion have a nature talent for it, you are smart and can see the other players on the court and know where to go, or where to pass. At first you were very scared about getting hit by the basketball, (who wouldn't be?) after all it hurts, but as the season progressed you became more assured and more aggressive.


That last sentence definitely fits you to a T, you like to test the waters before you dive in head first, and then once you realize you like it you dive in with full gusto.

You continue with Tae Kwon Do, you just got your second red stripe on your purple belt. You even competed in some tournaments this year in Kata, and this last tournament in weapons. You are enjoying learning Bo Staff and look rather menacing with it when you are practicing! And love to show me how to spin it!


Just last week you got your flute. You have talked non-stop about getting your flute since March or so. You are so excited about learning to play it, and I am excited for you.

You have started to ride your bike when I run, and your excitement when we go faster than the last time is infectious. Your supporting me helps me to say- get off your duff and go run and take Sunshine with you.

You played Tinkerbell in a theater production last Spring and you were a hit. Little kids would come up to you after the show and ask for your autograph. It was great fun to watch your character progress over the rehearsals and through the run of the show, you my dear, developed quite a little attitude toward Wendy when she and Peter were together!


You are this amazing combination of girly girl and tom boy. You love to wear sparkles and high heels and put a little makeup on, but you run around with the boys, and go on ziplines, and trampolines and play flag football with them, and even spar against them in Tae Kwon Do.


Your heart continues to make my heart sing. Your patience for people who are different or need a little extra love is something I can't put into words. Somehow you just know that this person could use a friend or just needs someone to be there with them. And it comes naturally to you, you do it, I suspect, without even thinking about it.

I'm not gonna lie, life isn't always beer and daisies. You and I are both strong and independent and similar in many ways, so there can be some rough days when the two of us are at each other's throats. But they pass and we curl up on the couch and watch some TV or play some Wii together and the world is right again.

We did some fun things together this year, we went to your first ever concert- Taylor Swift at Gillette Stadium. Your birthday party was at Monkey C Monkey Do where we went climbing on ropes and ziplines. We went to North Carolina for a Spring vacation and did lots of hiking in parks here in Maine.

You are starting to know yourself a little better. You get nervous before somethings especially when you are going to be judged. You said to me the other day, I want to cut back on that a bit because I get really nervous and can't think during school the day before. Pretty smart little 10 year old.

My wishes for you over this next year, are that you continue to know yourself and continue to build even more self confidence and know how truly amazing and awesome you are, that you learn this at your age, instead of at my age. That you become just a bit more self motivating. That you continue to find things you love to do, you try new foods and activities and fill your life with things that make you happy!


These last 10 years have been pretty amazing, I can only imagine what the next 10 will hold for us! Thanks for being born Sunshine!

13 Months

I'm pretty sure the screaming matches about brushing and flossing and no gum were all worth it..

What do you think?

Death, Anger and the End of the World

Sunshine asked me about the end of the World the other day. She was pretty upset about what that meant. With all the 2012 talk and the Terminator Date and the billboards about the end of the world, I understand where she is coming from.

Heck, I've got a few more years on me than she does and I wonder about such things. I am at least at the point in my life where I am wise enough to realize that no matter how controlling I am.. controlling the end of the World is out of the range of controllable things for me.

I sat and talked with a friend who is very spiritual, and when I asked her what she thought about the end of the world, she turned the question on me. And I paused, and I said.

What I know is that people are angry. The anger is palpable most every place I go. People are angry at the government or their neighbor or that guy in front of them at the grocery store. And to me it seems like that much anger has to lead to something. End of the world? I don't know.. big change, probably.

I remember a time when the only emotion I was really good at feeling was anger. Every emotion translated into anger- fear, sadness, madness, even the positive emotions like love, happiness and contentment. Anger is easy, really in the grand scheme of things anger can be very powerful, you can hide behind it, put your head down and avoid contact, avoid rejection, avoid love.

I look around me, close to me, and I see these amazing, young souls passing on, so quickly with little or no warning. I wonder, do they know something I don't? Are they getting out while the getting is still good? Or is it just one of those times when there happens to be a lot of death around me?

What ever the reason, I don't care for it, I don't care for the death, the sadness, the unanswered questions, the anger that boils just below the surface.

What I do care for, and what I am trying to embrace, and hoping will spread just as quickly as the anger has, is the love I am being reminded to share, the closeness it is encouraging me to forge with people in my life, the new adventures I am taking because I am being reminded so often how precious life really is...

So spread the love, let the anger go, I mean really, if the world is going to end, wouldn't you rather be dancing naked through the streets than angrily fighting?