This year I have had a hard time finding my Christmas Spirit. I can't put my finger on it. I'm not sad, I'm not upset, it just isn't here.
I started to write that frankly everything is okay, and deleted it, because that really isn't true. Perhaps a more accurate sentence would be, in my life, for the most part everything is okay. I feel like, however, that there is much negative energy in the world right now.
I am, as are many, excited about the President Elect taking office. I believe that he gives us a chance for change. If nothing else, his election alone has shown that we can change and that we still do have hope.
I listen to the news reports of the bailouts and sit in stunned silence. I am not an economist or a business major. My experience with money is through management of my own and several non-profit organizations as a volunteer. However, if I managed my money or anybody's money the way these large corporations are I would deserve to fail, I would deserve to not be able to get a line of credit, to have to pay with cash, and be held accountable to someone.
Adding to that there are several people in my life who are sick or have loved ones dying, who have been laid off, who have no money to heat their homes or to buy food for their tables.
I was in the store the other day and everyone was polite, no one was angry, but everyone had the same look on their face- exhaustion. And I know I am exhausted, there is never enough time and with the way things are now in the economy we all have to work harder and make do with less.
I have enjoyed buying presents for Sunshine this year and imagening her opening them on Christmas morning. I have listened to Christmas Caroles and enjoyed them.
But maybe that is just it... maybe my Christmas Spirit is just too tired to come out this year, or maybe my Christmas Spirit isn't Christmas Spirit this year... it is instead Hope.. hope that things will change, that we all will get through the trials we face right now and on the other side be better for it.