Someone once said to me that I am a really good human doing and not such a human being. I recently threw that line at someone else... I hadn't thought about it awhile... but it is true... if I have to just sit I can almost feel like a cage animal.
Today the thought of this took up significant noodeling power in my brain.
Am I that way out of necessity?
Is there really so much to do and so little time?
Do I keep busy so that I don't have to confront something?
Is it just who I am?
I don't know the answer, I suspect it is a combination of all 4 of those things to some extent.
There are days like today where I am so tired I could honestly sit on the floor and sob. I look at the pile of laundry that needs to be folded and the dishes that need to be done and the sneakers that sit on the floor looking at me reminding me I did not run this morning or the day before. A child who should be sleeping instead is calling my name every 15 seconds or so telling me that the animals are flying around the room. The same child who was just laughing so hard at a joke she told that you couldn't help but laugh along (which is probably why I am not sitting on the floor sobbing at this very moment). In my mind I know I have bills to pay and a checkbook to balance and the liter box to scoop and.... the list goes on.
Always something to do.... so you can see why I struggle with just being. Heck, I spend a lot of my time just trying to remember to breathe!