Let's Go Fly A Kite

I have Mother's Guilt. Seems like I have it in spades these days.

Like most people I am working harder, longer hours and making less money. We all know someone who has been laid off, had their pay cut, their hours cut, vacation cut or some other creative solution employers are putting into place to deal with the economy. Prices are going up for items I need, there is no room in my budget anymore for luxuries.

There is always a portion of my brain devoted to money and work- more so now than ever. I feel guilt that I am only taking one week of vacation with Sunshine this summer, and that any plans we had for visiting people have been put on hold.

I try to offset my guilt by having some new and different activities to do with Sunshine. I have made a point of going through Rachel Ray cookbooks with her and picking out recipes she wants to make and will eat so we can make them together. This weekend we went to the Memorial Day activities in town as well as the Roller Derby and the Demolition Derby. We rented one of her favorite movies that frankly after seeing it as many times as I have-I loathe it. More guilt.

Add into the mix that I still try to carve out time for myself to run- having set a goal of running a 1/2 marathon in the fall. To that end this weekend we experimented with me running and Sunshine biking along side- for the most part this was a successful adventure, there was some annoyance at me that I wasn't running quite as fast as she could bike. And tears ensued- more guilt. But in the end she has said she would go again- so I'll take it.

Today I laid on the lawn- my unmowed lawn because the lawn mower is broken and in the shop, while Sunshine reenacted the parade in our driveway. She then asked that we play some outside games. Completely exhausted and thoroughly enjoying the breeze and the sun, I said lets sit outside and read. Instead she went and got her kite.

As we stood on the railroad tracks away from powerlines to fly the kite I thought of that moment in Mary Poppins at the end when they all go fly a kite, when Jane and Michael's Dad realizes that flying a kite with his family is more important than work.

I know that Sunshine and I flying the kite together was way more important than work as are all the other things I take time to do with Sunshine. Yet I still can not get rid of the guilt for the time I am not with her, when my mind is occupied with me or work or something non-Mom related.

As one more additional reminder to cherish those moments, as we were nearing our time to come in for dinner a butterfly landed near us, clearly it had recently come out of its cocoon and was working to stretch its wings, testing them out.

So, I'm going to take some advice from Mr. Banks and that butterfly and feel less guilty and cherish all those special moments. I know for certain it is not going to be an issue task.