Saturday, July 20, 2013

Where in, I Continue to Search for Inner Peace.

I had many mixed emotions about going to Alaska. It has always been a dream for me to go there- so much about it appealed to me, the outdoors, the geography, the geomorphology.  I was nervous about being away from my home for so long, I am by nature a home body.

I really couldn't actually believe it was happening. Even after a couple of days in Seattle. I think it finally hit me the first morning I ran on the ships deck.. and this was my view.

There were many things I was looking forward to on the trip, time with Sunshine and my Mom, the outdoors, being away, new adventures. I think a part of me hoped somewhere up there I would find some answers to some of the questions I have bouncing around in my head.

I don't know if I got answers to the questions but I do feel like I came back with a different kind of peace.

I am a New Yorker, I've lived in Maine for almost 2 decades- almost longer than I lived in New York, but I will always identify as a New Yorker. I have the lazy upstate NY accent where I say mi'in rather than mitten. I play mini golf, not putt putt, I know good pizza and good chicken wings and have killed black flies the size of small seagulls with my bare hands. At the same time, Maine and I get along quite nicely. I like the slightly slower pace with an under tone of stick to-it-iveness- you have to here- one never knows what the winters will bring, so you need to be prepared (don't get me wrong NY has winters- with lots of snow- but Maine's winters last for a good 6 weeks longer.- the Tulip Festival in Albany, NY is going on and we still have snow on the ground.)

One of the things I noticed about AK is that same sort of contact with the Earth, slow paced mojo going on, but you know everyone is thinking of the weeks until Winter arrives and what needs to be done to be prepared. But a raw ruggedness- I can think of no other way to say it than that it strikes me as an innate connection with the Earth.

Back in 2009, I wrote this. I think about that post every now and again. I think about finding that inner peace, that savor every moment mentality. Grab life by the horns and hold on. Which reminds me of this quote

 “Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the
intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well
preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways,
chocolate in one hand, champagne in the other, body
thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming
“WOO HOO what a ride!”

So, I don't know if I've found savor every moment inner peace yet. I do think I'm closer than I've ever been. And that feels really awesome, to be getting rid of stuff (people and things) that don't make me feel content and in the moment. I probably will always struggle with this, because, as I recently said- I am a planner by nature.

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