Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Birthday

Today was (I guess still is) my birthday. It was a great day. But, to be honest, last night I was really struggling with the thought of this birthday. Mind you, I love my birthday, its about me!

Last night I kept wondering if anyone would remember my birthday, would the people who I really wanted to remember, remember? What if they didn't? Would I be devastated? I went so far as to email a few friends who tend to be forgetful and remind them that today was the day to say Happy Birthday!

This may come as a shock- but I'm not really comfortable being the center of attention unless I have control over the situation. But today I smiled happily when I was called out of my office to my coworkers around a balloon that sang and some very yummy brownies and again when I was called from my office to the 3rd floor around a corner to a crowd of more coworkers with a cake for me. It was nice to feel comfortable in that situation.

And you know what, someone who I really wanted to remember my birthday didn't. And I was okay with it, because other people did. Somewhere along my journey today I realized three things... I've become more graceful- not like a ballet dancer- I'm just more comfortable in my own skin and more confident. I realized that I've spent a lot of time in my life expecting people to know what I want without me telling them... and that does nothing but set me up for disappointment, its unrealistic to expect people to read my mind. And finally, that I need to be more appreciative of the good people and things in my life and not dwell on the disappointments- some good friends remembered my birthday and called or emailed or stopped by- those are the people I need to focus on in my life- not the one person I wanted so much to remember my day and didn't... and so Happy Birthday to me... its good to be born!

1 comment:

Stella and Thomas said...

If the person is who I think it is...that sucks! But you are correct. You do have people who remember and love you. Really love you because you deserve to be loved. I can imagine that it is tough dating again....just remember that you deserve the best! I love you!! Wish we could date....although long distance would be tough. ~mwah~