Saturday, December 8, 2007


As I've progressed through the process of divorce and getting my life back on course I have had to work through a lot of fears. One has and continues to be associated with having my heart broken. Its true, each time your heart is broken it hurts a bit more- but is it really worth avoiding that pain to not feel the joy of love? There are days I can answer yes to avoiding the pain entirely and days I say emphatically, its worth the pain to experience love.

The thing I hadn't really been cognizant of is that heart break is associated with all type of love, not just romantic love. And why, you ask, such a dark topic in this holiday season? Just that it hit me today as I got very sad while talking to a friend. I have a few people in my life who are on the precipice of major life changes that will impact them greatly and for various reasons my heart will break for them.

My Aunt just heard that her mother has cancer and 4-6 months to live. I am sad in so many ways about this, the impending loss of a member of my extended family and for the heart ache my aunt and uncle will face during these next few months and for the complete powerlessness I feel.

I have a friend who is starting the divorce process, I know that it is the right thing for everyone involved, but I also know that they all have a long road ahead of them and my heart breaks knowing the tough times ahead for everyone involved.

And I have 2 friends who are moving further away from me. That sounds tremendously selfish of me and it probably is. I am happy for them, they are moving to start a new adventure and that's tremendous... but I feel left, not forgotten, but left and I will miss them terribly.

About 4 years ago a coworker left to work in another company 20 minutes away at the most- I cried for the first 3 days he was gone on my way to work. We still are in contact fairly regularly, but there is something about good byes that are always very sad for me, even when I know there is a really good reason for the good bye...

So perhaps my sadness today is to let me know that heartbreak happens on all levels, it sucks, but its part of life and maybe I shouldn't be quite so afraid of it.. its going to happen no matter what I do...

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