Rules of Engagement???

I'm really struggling with this one and need some advice...

We don't have a lot of play dates at our house, not because Sunshine doesn't want them or I don't want them, it just never seems like we have the time on the weekends. But we've had a few.

And the last 2 the same thing has happened- Sunshine comes up with a plan of what they are going to do.. arts and crafts or play a game what have you, there is some general play time in there.. and then the child visiting doesn't want to do what Sunshine has laid out and her feelings are hurt. For example, we knew we were having lunch and she said- let my friend choose what she wants since she is the guest.

Now, I ask Sunshine what happens when she is at other people's houses and she says she does what they have planned... I tend to believe her because like me, she's a rule follower.

So, is it:

a. Sunshine is too nice and should say no when she is at other people's houses? Note, I understand that the potential exists here that Sunshine could be weaving a little fib.
b. Should the visiting kids play along and should I encourage this? Today I pushed for a compromise... and that seemed to work ok.
c. Is this some how my fault? Did I train Sunshine to be too complacent? And does that mean when confronted with drugs and sex and rock and roll in the future that she won't stand up for herself??

What are the rules??? And yes, I am aware that one play date as sent me 800 mph into the future...